Bringing Back the Bow

It's a well-known fact within my family that I don't enjoy wrapping gifts ... not Christmas gifts, not birthday gifts, not anniversary gifts, not baby gifts, not retirement gifts, not graduation gifts ... you get the picture ... I don't enjoy wrapping any kind of gift. One of the happiest moments in my life was when gift bags became an accepted means of delivering a gift ... seriously ... the person who invented gift bags has my undying appreciation and respect forever and ever and ever. My sister, on the other hand, doesn't simply enjoy wrapping gifts ... oh, no, no, no ... every single gift she wraps is a work of art, a masterpiece, an inspired creation from the hands of the greatest gift-wrapper of all time. Sis tried to teach me the intricate process of tying bows once when I was a younger ... suffice it to say my "tying of the bow" training was a truly traumatic event for the both of us. I probably don't need to tell you that another one of the happiest moments in my life was when I learned that I could purchase bows with the stuff on the back that allowed me to stick the bow on the gift ... well ... after I figured out how to take the paper thingie off, that is.

Several weeks ago as I was leaving the office, a couple of young men I work with commented that I hadn't worn a bow tie, or any kind of tie for that matter, or my suspenders to work for a very long time. I blinked back tears when they asked me why I had stopped sporting my trademark ties and suspenders. I mumbled one of my go-to answers I generally give when I don't want to answer a question ... "I don't know, I just did." As if knowing the young men had noticed my months-long departure from my usual choice in clothing wasn't enough to cause me to well up with emotion, they might as well have reached inside my heart and flipped the "cry gallons of tears now" switch with each of their replies. 

"Well, you need to bring them back, Terrie ... you need to bring back the bow ties. I miss bow tie Terrie. I love bow tie Terrie."

"Agreed. We'll start a bring back the bow tie Terrie campaign! Bow tie Terrie is so much fun ... bow tie Terrie is awesome, and I miss her, too."

I'm not sure how I managed to make it to my car that evening before the torrent of tears burst from my eyes, and I'm even more unsure as to how I held them in when the young men hugged and high-fived me as I squeaked out a whispered goodbye. 

I can't even begin to tell you how much I've thought about the words of those two young men since that day ... in fact, I'm pretty sure their words will hang around with me for a very, very, very long time. There was a reason I stopped wearing my ties and suspenders ... a personal reason I've chosen not to share, so I'm asking that you please respect my decision and don't ask because I'll never tell you. I will, however, tell you this ... when I stopped wearing my ties and suspenders, I was lower than a snake's belly in a wagon rut. But here's the thing ... I knew how miserable I was when I sadly put my ties and suspenders back in the closet ... I knew how much I missed them, but I never once thought that other people might miss them as well ... I never once thought that my lack of ties and suspenders wearing could make other people sad, too. I'm still working through the stuff that caused me to abandon my wicked sense of style for a time, but I think I'm getting there ... over the last couple of weeks, I've worn ties and suspenders, not every day, but some days.

Oh, and by the way, before you write in to say that the young men who told me they missed my ties and suspenders weren't really talking about my ties and suspenders that day ... I know. While my ties and suspenders really are quite awesome and adorable (especially when I do the power clashing thing or wear Converse with dress pants ... I really do need to get on Ellen's show ... geez), those aren't really what the young men miss. The young men miss the real me ... they miss the me I become when I am the real me. They miss the Terrie who makes them smile ... they miss the Terrie who cares about them ... they miss the Terrie who lives behind the bow ties and the suspenders ... they miss the open, honest, real and transparent Terrie ... they miss the real me ... and so do I, friends ... so do I.

Every single one of us have our own bow ties and suspenders, you know ... we all have things we're afraid to wear, and I'm not talking about clothes. We're afraid to wear a loving heart or a humble soul or a compassionate mind or a gentle spirit because we're terrified that others will say we're weak or inadequate or not good enough. We try so hard to put up a front, to pretend to be the person we think everyone wants or expects or demands us to be that we don't see that there really are people who miss the real us. We don't see the people who miss the person we become when we become who we really are ... the bow tie-wearing, suspenders-hitching, Converse-stepping, hair-spiking people we really are.

Tomorrow I'm wearing my orange and blue plaid bow tie a friend gave me for my birthday last year ... the bow tie I couldn't see until I unwrapped the gift. Yep ... that's deep ... go ahead and ponder on it a bit while you decide which tie you're wearing tomorrow.