What I really wanted to title tonight's post was "The Top 10 Things Straight Women Don't Say to Me," but I chickened out. Except that since I told you anyway, that's kind of the same thing as actually using that for my title this evening ... but I didn't because I was worried about offending someone, or a lot of someones as the case may be, but then again I probably just did anyway so I should have just used it for my title in the first place. That's right, sisters and brothers out there in blog land ... this editor can write run-on sentences with the best of them. If you choose to read to the end of tonight's post, maybe I'll tell you what prompted my creation of this particular Top 10 List or maybe I won't. If you choose not to read to the end ... well, then I suppose you choose not to read to the end of tonight's post. Either way, I hope you've at least smiled once as you've been reading, and I hope, should you choose to continue reading, you'll smile a time or two again before you're done.
So without further ado, I present to you my list of "The Top 10 Things Straight Women Don't Say to Me" ... uh-oh ... "Terrie's Top 10" ... I mean "Terrie's Top 10" ... sheesh.
So without further ado, I present to you my list of "The Top 10 Things Straight Women Don't Say to Me" ... uh-oh ... "Terrie's Top 10" ... I mean "Terrie's Top 10" ... sheesh.
10. You braid my hair and I'll braid yours, okay?
9. Where did you get those shoes? I want a pair!
8. Want to join me for a mani-pedi over lunch?
7. Check out that guy ... he is smoking hot!
6. Can I borrow your black pencil skirt to wear to the party?
5. Could you help me zip my dress, please?
4. Girls night out! Male strippers, here we come!
3. I can't wait for you to meet my brother ... I just know it's going to be love at first sight!
2. We can save money if we share a hotel room.
1. I almost wore that same outfit today!
Since I already take full and total responsibility for anything and everything I do or say that could even remotely upset, hurt or offend someone else, I'd rather not add keeping you awake for days as you try to guess what I might possibly say in response to "The Top 10 Things Straight Women Don't Say to Me" should a straight woman ever say one of them to me ... yeah, right ... like that's ever gonna happen. But because of my overwhelming desire for all of you not to be encumbered by your tremendous need to know what's going on inside my more often than not very scattered and jumbled brain, I feel compelled to save you both the time and the effort that wading through my extremely brilliant ... uh, I mean abundantly cluttered ... mind would require. Hey ... I'm getting really good at this run-on sentence thing, eh?
You want me to do what to your hair? And no one messes with my hair, thank you very much. My Converse shoes or my wingtips? I bite my nails and you don't even want to think about what my toes look like. What guy? Where? You want to wear a skirt made out of black pencils? That doesn't sound very practical to me. Oh, I'll be more than happy to help you zip your dress, Beautiful. Male strippers? Ewwwwww. I'd rather meet your sister. Sharing a hotel room? Not happening ... ever. Seriously? You almost wore a bow tie and suspenders today?
So was my reason for writing tonight's post simply my desire to elicit a smile or two from at least a few of you? Yes and no. Yes, I want you to smile and maybe even laugh a little, and I want to be able to smile and laugh at myself, too ... God knows I need to do that way more often than I do these days. But no, I'm not joking about there being things straight women say to one another that they don't say to me, and I'm certainly not joking when I remind you that one of the most used tools to mask a hurting heart or a wounded spirit is humor ... go ahead and think on that one for a really good long while ... a really, really, really good long while.
Hmmm ... I think it's time to work on my next Top 10 List ... "The Top 10 Things I Need to Do to Be Sensitive to the Feelings of Those Who Are Different From Me." Yep, I think it's time to get going on that list ... indeed I do, friends ... indeed I do.
4. Girls night out! Male strippers, here we come!
3. I can't wait for you to meet my brother ... I just know it's going to be love at first sight!
2. We can save money if we share a hotel room.
1. I almost wore that same outfit today!
Since I already take full and total responsibility for anything and everything I do or say that could even remotely upset, hurt or offend someone else, I'd rather not add keeping you awake for days as you try to guess what I might possibly say in response to "The Top 10 Things Straight Women Don't Say to Me" should a straight woman ever say one of them to me ... yeah, right ... like that's ever gonna happen. But because of my overwhelming desire for all of you not to be encumbered by your tremendous need to know what's going on inside my more often than not very scattered and jumbled brain, I feel compelled to save you both the time and the effort that wading through my extremely brilliant ... uh, I mean abundantly cluttered ... mind would require. Hey ... I'm getting really good at this run-on sentence thing, eh?
You want me to do what to your hair? And no one messes with my hair, thank you very much. My Converse shoes or my wingtips? I bite my nails and you don't even want to think about what my toes look like. What guy? Where? You want to wear a skirt made out of black pencils? That doesn't sound very practical to me. Oh, I'll be more than happy to help you zip your dress, Beautiful. Male strippers? Ewwwwww. I'd rather meet your sister. Sharing a hotel room? Not happening ... ever. Seriously? You almost wore a bow tie and suspenders today?
So was my reason for writing tonight's post simply my desire to elicit a smile or two from at least a few of you? Yes and no. Yes, I want you to smile and maybe even laugh a little, and I want to be able to smile and laugh at myself, too ... God knows I need to do that way more often than I do these days. But no, I'm not joking about there being things straight women say to one another that they don't say to me, and I'm certainly not joking when I remind you that one of the most used tools to mask a hurting heart or a wounded spirit is humor ... go ahead and think on that one for a really good long while ... a really, really, really good long while.
Hmmm ... I think it's time to work on my next Top 10 List ... "The Top 10 Things I Need to Do to Be Sensitive to the Feelings of Those Who Are Different From Me." Yep, I think it's time to get going on that list ... indeed I do, friends ... indeed I do.
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