Though I don't watch it anymore, there was a time in my life when I spent countless hours watching "Survivor" ... don't judge me ... I watched it because from the very first episode, my son Brad was totally and completely smitten with that show, and he somehow managed to suck me right in with him. Actually, I know exactly how Brad convinced me to watch "Survivor" with him for all those years while he stilled lived at home ... I watched it because I love my son and I loved watching my son watch that crazy show. Brad's fascination for "Survivor" was fueled by the "outwit, outplay, outlast" mantra for the show ... those three words pretty much describe my middle child's personality and outlook on life, and he's proven himself many times in his young life to be the ultimate survivor.
While Brad was all about the outwitting, outplaying, outlasting part of the "Survivor" television series, my focus was always on the closing part of each episode when the tribe members who had lost the challenge made their way to Tribal Council. I was always saddened by the folks who were so giddy with the thrill of voting one of their tribe-mates off the show that they could hardly contain their excitement. Sometimes their obvious glee stemmed from feeling safe ... from knowing they weren't being voted off and believing they remained an important part of the tribe. But then there were the other times ... the times that always made me cringe ... the times when it was abundantly clear the tribe members' jubilation concerning the upcoming vote was because they simply didn't like the person or they thought he or she wasn't working hard enough or making a big enough contribution to the tribe. I can somewhat understand and even relate on some level to the self-preservation instinct, I suppose, but the other? Just suffice it to say I would never ever win "Survivor" ... I'd be the one gathering everyone around the fire saying "Let's roast marshmallows and have a nice long chat and get to know one another."
I'm willing to bet my last penny that most (if not all) of you have at some point in your life experienced similar emotions as the people who were voted off of "Survivor." I'd be willing to bet my last penny that most (if not all) of you have gone through times when you were left out or excluded or shunned or even banned from being part of a tribe ... a sports team, a club, a church, a school, a neighborhood, a workplace, a group of friends or sadly ... for more people than you realize ... their own families. I think for as much as it hurts not to be chosen or included from the inception of a tribe ... come on, you can't tell me you don't remember what it felt like to be the last kid picked for the kickball team at recess ... for as much as that kind of "unchosen-ness" hurts, it hurts a gazillion times more to believe you're an integral and valued part of a tribe only to find yourself standing at Tribal Council having your torch snuffed out as Jeff Probst says, "Bring me your torch ... the tribe has spoken. It's time for you to go." And understanding the truth that it was your own tribe-mates who deliberately chose to exile you ... well ... that pain is worse than rubbing a lifetime's worth of salt into a deep, deep, deep wound.
Last night, I sat on my couch for a few hours reading emails, and as usual, some were kind and encouraging while others were ... ummm ... not kind and encouraging. As is often the case, I happened upon an email from someone whose words completely ripped my heart to shreds. I don't know if the person who sent the email is old or young, rich or poor, male or female, straight, gay or transgender. What I do know is that I have something to tell you, Mr. or Ms. Sender ... your words have melted me ... they have consumed me ... they have wrapped themselves around my heart and buried themselves deep within my soul. Please know you're not alone ... please know you are more than worthy ... please know you are so much more than good enough ... please know there is nothing wrong with you ... please know you are not to blame.
"I'm always on the outside looking in. I don't think I'm a bad person and I try to be a good friend but I'm not good enough. They don't ever pick me. My whole life they never pick me. Some times I think I should give up and go away and not try with them anymore. There must be something wrong with me or something I've done. I wish they would include me but they don't. I wish they would want to talk to me but they don't. I know its because I'm not good enough. I don't know why I keep thinking things will change or be different. I'm ready to give up."
I think we would all do well to do some long and hard soul searching before we head off to our next Tribal Council ... we would all do well to search the very deepest parts of our hearts and take responsibility for the choices we make ... we would all do well to consider the power we have, the power to hurt and destroy, the power to love and encourage. Think about whose torch you may be snuffing out ... think about whose feelings you may be hurting ... think about whose soul you may be wounding ... think about whose heart you may be breaking. Think about how you would feel if it were you ... if you were the one being left out, excluded, shunned or banned ... think about that for a long time, friends ... think about that for a very, very, very long time.
"Bring me your torch ... the tribe has spoken. It's time for you to go."
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