A couple of nights ago, I happened upon a Facebook post that had me sitting on my couch bawling my eyes out as I read it. It was a letter written to an overweight woman whom the author sees running at a track each day ... a letter from the author recounting her utmost respect and admiration for the courage and determination the woman displays each time she steps onto the track. As I read the author's words describing the overweight runner's downcast eyes, lumbering gait, labored breathing and sweat-soaked clothing, I thought to myself, "If I could talk to the overweight gal ... if I could talk to her, I'd say, 'I know exactly how you feel.'" That's what I would say to her because it's true ... it's true because not all that long ago, I was her. I went from bawling to sobbing when I read the words from the author to the worman, "You are awesome ... you're a hero to me ... you are a true inspiration ... I bow to you."
I know exactly how the overweight runner feels because I was so ashamed of my large body that I couldn't look the athletic, muscle-toned, slender people on the trail in the eye. I know exactly how she feels because my belly jiggled more than Santa's when I took a step. I know exactly how she feels because I huffed and puffed like a dragon after walking a whopping 10 minutes. I know exactly how she feels because not all that long ago, I was her. Though I won't tell you how much I weighed when J.R. and I began our walking journey together, I will tell you this ... the day I stepped onto the trail with my little wiener dog, I wore a size 22 in pants (and even those were snug) and an XXL in shirts (okay, sometimes I had to buy a 3XL). Today ... right this minute as I type ... I'm sitting on my couch in a size 8 pair of shorts and a medium t-shirt. I really am half the woman I used to be ... in a good way I think, though I'm sure there are those who might say otherwise.
As so often happens, it turns out that random Facebook post I stumbled upon a couple of nights ago wasn't at all random for me ... it turns out there was a much bigger lesson in that post for me than the empathy I felt for the overweight gal who was the subject of the anonymous note ... a much, much, much bigger lesson for me. Here's the thing ... I had a really lousy day on Friday. It wasn't my work or my job that made my day lousy, though I did have a butt load of projects to complete by the end of the day. It wasn't my still aching ear, pounding headache, queasy stomach and chesty cough that made my day lousy, though I am more than ready for the creeping crud that's been hanging around inside my body for the last two weeks to go away. It wasn't even my traffic-filled forever long commute that made my day lousy. In fact, I'm not going to tell you the specific events that made my day so lousy, but I will tell you this ... on Friday, I felt exactly the way I did when I was the fat girl on the trail. I felt embarrassed, unworthy, ashamed, irrelevant, alone, ugly and even stupid. Oh, and by the way, every single one of those feelings had absolutely nothing at all to do with my body or my weight ... every single one of them had absolutely everything to do with my heart.
It wasn't until last night that I got it ... that I understood why I had "happened" upon the Facebook post of the note to the overweight gal and what the bigger lesson was for me. Reading that post wasn't really to remind me how I felt in those early days as I struggled to lose weight, to exercise, to become a healthier, better me ... that's not really what it was about at all. Reading that post was to remind me that I know exactly how a lot of you feel ... the hated, the rejected, the ignored, the hurt, the lonely, the different, the sick, the depressed, the weary ... I know exactly how you feel because I have been you ... I know exactly how you feel because there are some days, like Friday, when I am still you. Reading that post last week wasn't for last week at all ... reading that post last week was for Friday and yesterday and today and all the days still ahead.
It takes hard work, determination, persistence, sweat and pain to lose the physical pounds I carry on my body, but it takes so much, much more to lose the weight I carry in my heart. I have to keep walking, even when it's hard. I have to keep eating the right foods, even when all I want to eat is a massive bowl of mashed potatoes and gravy followed by a gigantic turtle cheesecake. I have to keep treating others with kindness and compassion and love and respect and appreciation, even when I don't receive the same treatment in return. Why? Because I know exactly how you feel if I don't.
Let's try something together ... let's be kind to each other without fail ... let's speak and act toward one another with respect and compassion and understanding not just sometimes, but all the time. That's the lesson, you know ... that's why I randomly happened upon the note from the anonymous author to the overweight runner ... to remind me to persevere and never give up ... to remind me to encourage those who are walking or running beside me ... to remind me to feel what's inside the hearts of others ... to remind me to look for ways to help and not harm ... to remind me to keep my eyes ever open for the ones who are struggling to find their way ... to remind me of the power of love.
I know exactly how the overweight runner feels because I was so ashamed of my large body that I couldn't look the athletic, muscle-toned, slender people on the trail in the eye. I know exactly how she feels because my belly jiggled more than Santa's when I took a step. I know exactly how she feels because I huffed and puffed like a dragon after walking a whopping 10 minutes. I know exactly how she feels because not all that long ago, I was her. Though I won't tell you how much I weighed when J.R. and I began our walking journey together, I will tell you this ... the day I stepped onto the trail with my little wiener dog, I wore a size 22 in pants (and even those were snug) and an XXL in shirts (okay, sometimes I had to buy a 3XL). Today ... right this minute as I type ... I'm sitting on my couch in a size 8 pair of shorts and a medium t-shirt. I really am half the woman I used to be ... in a good way I think, though I'm sure there are those who might say otherwise.
As so often happens, it turns out that random Facebook post I stumbled upon a couple of nights ago wasn't at all random for me ... it turns out there was a much bigger lesson in that post for me than the empathy I felt for the overweight gal who was the subject of the anonymous note ... a much, much, much bigger lesson for me. Here's the thing ... I had a really lousy day on Friday. It wasn't my work or my job that made my day lousy, though I did have a butt load of projects to complete by the end of the day. It wasn't my still aching ear, pounding headache, queasy stomach and chesty cough that made my day lousy, though I am more than ready for the creeping crud that's been hanging around inside my body for the last two weeks to go away. It wasn't even my traffic-filled forever long commute that made my day lousy. In fact, I'm not going to tell you the specific events that made my day so lousy, but I will tell you this ... on Friday, I felt exactly the way I did when I was the fat girl on the trail. I felt embarrassed, unworthy, ashamed, irrelevant, alone, ugly and even stupid. Oh, and by the way, every single one of those feelings had absolutely nothing at all to do with my body or my weight ... every single one of them had absolutely everything to do with my heart.
It wasn't until last night that I got it ... that I understood why I had "happened" upon the Facebook post of the note to the overweight gal and what the bigger lesson was for me. Reading that post wasn't really to remind me how I felt in those early days as I struggled to lose weight, to exercise, to become a healthier, better me ... that's not really what it was about at all. Reading that post was to remind me that I know exactly how a lot of you feel ... the hated, the rejected, the ignored, the hurt, the lonely, the different, the sick, the depressed, the weary ... I know exactly how you feel because I have been you ... I know exactly how you feel because there are some days, like Friday, when I am still you. Reading that post last week wasn't for last week at all ... reading that post last week was for Friday and yesterday and today and all the days still ahead.
It takes hard work, determination, persistence, sweat and pain to lose the physical pounds I carry on my body, but it takes so much, much more to lose the weight I carry in my heart. I have to keep walking, even when it's hard. I have to keep eating the right foods, even when all I want to eat is a massive bowl of mashed potatoes and gravy followed by a gigantic turtle cheesecake. I have to keep treating others with kindness and compassion and love and respect and appreciation, even when I don't receive the same treatment in return. Why? Because I know exactly how you feel if I don't.
Let's try something together ... let's be kind to each other without fail ... let's speak and act toward one another with respect and compassion and understanding not just sometimes, but all the time. That's the lesson, you know ... that's why I randomly happened upon the note from the anonymous author to the overweight runner ... to remind me to persevere and never give up ... to remind me to encourage those who are walking or running beside me ... to remind me to feel what's inside the hearts of others ... to remind me to look for ways to help and not harm ... to remind me to keep my eyes ever open for the ones who are struggling to find their way ... to remind me of the power of love.
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