I Win, You Win, We All Win

Maybe it's just part of growing older, but recently it seems like I've been thinking a great deal not about the things I have done in my life but rather the things I haven't. Now before you pepper me with messages telling me I'm seeing the glass of my life as half empty instead of half full, please allow me to assure you that I'm not being negative. Unless, I suppose, if beginning to feel that time is slipping away from me is being negative ... well, then, in that case I guess I am. With every passing day, I'm becoming more and more aware of the ticking clock that is life, and perhaps that's why all of a sudden I'm recognizing that there's a whole bunch of things I haven't done yet. Big things like seeing Alaska or being on the Ellen Show, yes, but little things, too, like winning a prize in a raffle. It may seem stupid, but last night when I won not one but two prizes in a raffle drawing, it instantly became a really big deal to me that I had lived almost 56 years without ever winning a raffle. Such a big deal, in fact, that it's catapulted my pondering of all the things I haven't done to an entirely different level ... now my brain is even more consumed with thoughts of all the things I haven't done.

I rarely go out on the weekends because ... well ... because honestly, it's not much fun to go out alone. Last night, however, I actually accepted an invitation from a friend to attend a charity Bingo event at a bar downtown. One of my walking buddies joined us, and we had quite a good time laughing, eating and playing Bingo together will all the other folks in the packed-out bar. Last night's event was to benefit "Unleashed," an animal rescue organization here in KC, and benefit they did ... more than $3,000 was raised through Bingo, raffle ticket sales and donations to help abused and unwanted animals find loving homes. I must confess to the tears that formed as I thought about my own sweet rescue dogs that became such huge parts of my family ... Ali the dalmatian Lab ... Julie the yellow Lab ... J.R. the doxie ... and of course, my precious little Ollie the wiener. I think there's just something extra special about rescue dogs ... I think they appreciate more because they've had less, and I think they love so deeply because they've suffered so much hurt.

As I sat in the bar with my friends last night, I couldn't help but notice the wide-ranging variety of the people around me. From the servers to the hostesses to the folks running the fundraiser to the people seated at the tables, I was keenly aware of how very different we all were. From the group of gals having a lively bachelorette party to the single guy at the table behind us to the drag queen calling the Bingo numbers to the two middle-aged couples sitting just in front us to our openly gay server to the eight older women having a birthday celebration ... there was no denying the diversity within the restaurant last night. I couldn't help but recognize the differences between me and my friends ... both are straight, one who's in her mid-40s and married with children still at home, the other is in her mid-60s, divorced with two adult children and preparing to retire. And then there's me ... well, yeah ... then there's me.

I woke up this morning with a thought pounding in my head that I haven't been able to shake all day ... I don't know that many of my straight female friends (and most of them are, by the way ... straight, that is) would be comfortable or willing to give up a Saturday night to go to a gay bar to participate in a fundraiser for an animal rescue organization. Not because my straight friends don't love animals, because they do. Not because they don't donate both time and money to helping animal rescue organizations, because they do. And not because they don't love me, because they do. The truth is that many straight women are just plain old uncomfortable going to a gay bar with a gay woman because they're afraid people will think they are gay, too. Funny, I never worry that people will think I'm straight when I go to a straight bar or restaurant with my straight friends ... hmmm ... maybe I should, but I don't. Part of what makes my two friends I went with last night so very special to me is that not only were they not the least bit uncomfortable with where we were, they weren't the least bit uncomfortable with me. Heck, I think they even had a lot of fun, especially when they both won prizes in the raffle as well.

Here's the thing, friends ... I didn't do anything differently last night than I would have done had the Unleashed fundraiser been held at any other bar in town. I played Bingo and ate dinner and bought raffle tickets and laughed and talked with my friends and drank one Michelob Ultra beer. Well, I guess I did win two totally awesome gift basket prizes, but other than that, I was the same Terrie at the bar last night as I am anywhere else. I didn't get drunk or pick up a hot gal or anything even remotely wild or crazy or ... heaven forbid ... gay. The very worst thing I did last night was overtip our cute and chatty male server ... and by the way, I always overtip servers because I remember how hard my three kiddos worked when they waited tables. I don't give a horse's patootie whether they are gay or straight, servers have a stinking hard job and they have to deal with a lot of jerky people.

You know what I've realized today? Winning the raffle prizes wasn't really all that big of a deal ... okay, maybe it was kind of a little bit of a big deal ... it's knowing that my friends care about me and love me enough to be willing to step out of their own comfort zone ... it's knowing they want me to be happy ... it's knowing they don't judge me ... it's knowing they take time out of their own busy lives to be a part of mine ... that's what's a really, really, really big deal. You see, friends ... the best prize any of us can win is love ... I win, you win, we all win when we choose to love each other. Yep, yep ... we surely, surely do.