2,103,840 Minutes ... and Counting

I've been working on this post for several days, and I was planning to post it tomorrow. But then I got a text this afternoon telling me that one of my dearest friends was admitted to ICU. Earlier this week, another dear friend stood with her family and watched her father pass away following a sudden and massive stroke. Last weekend, I took a home-cooked meal to some parents who've been spending night and day in the hospital with their 16-year-old daughter who is fighting a rare form of cancer. I'm not waiting until tomorrow to post ... I'm posting this tonight because none of us are guaranteed tomorrow, dear friends, not a single one of us is guaranteed tomorrow.

On February 4, 2016 at 10:34 a.m., I will have been alive 2,103,840 minutes, give or take a few seconds, longer than I intended to be back on February 4, 2012. That's the day I was sitting at my kitchen table ready to swallow the cocktail of drugs I'd been carrying around in my backpack for far longer than I want you to know. That's the day I made a special breakfast for myself and my two dogs Julie and Ollie, and we ate together sitting on the living room floor. That's the day I texted my three children and told them it was a good day and to never forget how much I loved them. That's the day I carefully arranged the letters on the table ... the letters I had written to several people who were very special to me so they would be easily seen. That's the day I opened the shoe box that held the videos I had made for my children and my granddaughter and carefully added the final one I had filmed that morning. That's the day I was interrupted and my plan was derailed. That's the day I lived when what I really wanted to do was die.

When I look back over the last four years ... so many terrifying, difficult, unfathomable and remarkable things have taken place that to share even a small portion of them would surely take up the remainder of the minutes I have left to live. Those times and those things mean so much to me, but it's the people who matter most of all ... it's the people who have joined me on my journey ... I am both humbled and honored to have you with me. My dear children who prove to me with every passing day that their unconditional love for me runs true and deep. My precious granddaughters whose loving and adoring hearts remind me every single moment that I matter to them. My compassionate extended family who accept me and love me just as I am. My sweet friends ... friends who never stop believing in me ... friends who refuse to give up on me and adamantly demand that I not give up on myself ... friends who challenge me to keep on growing, learning, trying, breathing ... friends who pick me up and carry me when I feel like I can't take one more step ... friends who love me most when I deserve it least ... friends who encourage me and support me and push me to be the best me I can be. My doctors K and T who fight for me and take care of me and trust me and tell me the truth and teach me to be open, honest, real and transparent.

Tomorrow will be 4 years ... 4 years ... 48 months ... 1,461 days ... 35,064 hours ... 2,103,840 minutes since that fateful day. It really doesn't matter how I measure the time, my friends ... all that matters is that I keep on counting. All that matters is that I keep on living.

2,103,840 minutes ... and counting.