"For One Day ..."

I had originally planned tonight to write about a couple of the lighthouses my son Brad took me to see while I was visiting him and Shelby in Maine, but that topic will have to wait until my next post. Sharing my lighthouse adventures with you will have to wait because I feel compelled to share with you an email I received early this morning, the words of which have quickly seared themselves into my brain and burned themselves deeply within my heart. I'm choosing to let the message from the young man speak for itself with no personal commentary from me other than to say this ... I completely and fully understand how this young man feels because I feel it myself far too often.

And to you, the strong and courageous young man who wrote this note ... I'm begging you not to give up ... please don't ever give up, Wade ... please, please, please keep fighting and keep believing that you're loved and cherished by many for exactly who you are. The world needs you, young man, and you can and will make a difference. You want to know how I know that? Because you already are. You're already making a difference with the words of your note ... to me, yes, but also to the thousands of people who will read them tonight in this post. You're already teaching people to change the way they think and how they treat other people. You're already changing people's lives, Wade ... don't stop now, kiddo ... please don't stop now ... please, please, please don't stop now.

"Dear Terry,

My friend Stevens mom said I should send you up a message with something I wrote a few weeks ago when I was in the hospital from trying to kill myself for the third time. She's been reading your blog for a long time and she said I should send you this. I got a lots of clapping when the shrink made me read it to the people in the meetings I had to go to for while I was there. I'm 15 years old and I live in Arkansas. Here is what I wrote and I hope you like it. Stevens mom said to tell you its ok if you want to use it in your blog if you think its good enough and maybe it can help another kid like me. Thank you. From Wade.

For one day I wish I wasn't gay.

I wish for today I couldn't wake up and worry if I would get beat up again by the jocks at my school or my head get slammed up on my locker. I wish today none of the people where I work my part time job called me fag or queer or girlie boy. 

For one day I wish I wasn't gay.

I want to wake up today and be straight and like girls instead of boys and be normal like all the guys at school. I wish today that I could walk right up to a girl and ask would she go on a date with me and not feel like I'm fixing to be sick. 

For one day I wish I wasn't gay.

I wish for today that I didn't wake up and want to die because I think dying is easier than living for gay people. I wish I had a day where it doesn't feel like my Mom and Dad are ashamed of me and that I embarress my 2 brothers and 1 sister.

For one day I wish I wasn't gay.

I want for day to know what it feels like to be the same as other guys and play football and be tough. I want to walk like a guy and do my hands like a guy and be like a real man.

For one day I wish I wasn't gay.

I want one whole day when people don't stare at me when I go shopping at the mall or eat in a restaurant or walk down the street. I want one whole entired day when I can believe in that God loves me and I'm not going to hell.

For one day I wish I wasn't gay.

I wish for today to look in the mirror and not hate the guy I see.