One of my favorite things to do is to grab my camera, jump in my car with a dog or two, and drive around taking pictures of whatever catches my eye. Some days, old houses draw me in with their weathered and beaten wood or brick exteriors. Some days, I'm captivated by the flight of birds or the antics of my hounds. Some days, I am taken with the quiet beauty of a bubbling stream or still lake. I've come to the conclusion that it may not be the photography itself that makes those outings among my favorite times, but rather the freedom of getting up on a Saturday and taking off for the day ... no worries, no television or phones, no boundaries, no responsibilities ... just simple and pure freedom.
Recently, I've had to redefine certain areas of my life, and one of those redefinitions concerns my fiercely independent, fly by the seat of my pants, land where I may whenever I want nature. I am learning ... and yes, it is a process, and yes, I'm stubborn and it may take some time ... to be more discerning, more cautious, more honest, more open, more diligent, more pliable, more accepting, less defensive, less private, less afraid, less obstinate, less unwilling.
This learning event in my life has not been an easy one, and I've been like my Julie on her leash. I have pulled and tugged and fought against giving up even a shred of my freedom or a flicker of my independence. And, like Julie, sometimes nothing gets my attention except a jerk of the leash and a stern conversation from my Owner ... never a fun or pleasant experience, but at times much needed and deserved.
An event last weekend prompted my doctor to suspend my solitary evening walks for a time, telling me that I must not walk alone until she feels that it is safe for me to do so. I grumbled and complained and fussed about that mandate all day yesterday, telling myself that I know my own body and I should be able to determine whether or not I walk alone. And then, I was joined last night by a dad and two kiddos for my nightly walk. As is so often the case, God taught me a lesson along the path last night ... a lesson that I hope I carry with me for a very long time. He is using some not very fun events in my life to make me open to new friendships and relationships, to cause me to slow down and cherish the special moments along the way.
You see ... I've been focusing on what I've lost ... and through the conversation and the laughter and the kid hugs last night ... God showed me instead what He's giving me.
1 comment:
insert deafness (things lost) and i know how you feel! isn't it amazing though how we can begin to think in terms of what we have gained instead of what seemed lost to us in the beginning? ;)
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