Each one of my three children is different from the other. There may be similarities between them in appearance, and even at times in their behavior (especially when they were young), but they are still very different. They like different foods and different colors and different animals and different movies and different people. They have different temperaments and different ways of expressing their emotions. They spend their money in different ways, and they live in different cities. They clean their places of abode differently, and they drive different makes and models of cars. Each one of my three children is different from the other, and yet I love each one of them just as he or she is. I didn't ask at the hospital when they were born if I could trade them in for different babies ... I loved them exactly how they were ... they didn't have to do one single thing to make me love them ... I loved them just as they were.
It's funny to me that I have no trouble at all in understanding my love for my children ... it was unconditional from the moment I discovered I was pregnant with each of them. My love for my children was never based on how they looked or the words they spoke or what they did ... and it still isn't. I've gone through some rough patches with each of them, but no matter what happened, my love for them never wavered or failed. So it's more than odd to me that I sometimes struggle with God loving me with a depth and passion that makes my motherly love seem meaningless in comparison. My mind knows that He loves me without reservation, but at times my heart simply can't understand why He does. And yet, the truth remains ... God loves me no matter what.
Yesterday someone asked me if I believed that God He created me just as I am and that He loves me just as I am. My answer was that of course I believe those things to be true, but her question has troubled me today as I've thought about it. I wonder what causes us as humans to come to think that anything we can do or don't do or should do can alter God's love for us. I wonder what causes us to think that God somehow made a mistake when He formed us in our mothers' wombs. I wonder how we could ever doubt God's unconditional, sacrificial love when He gave His only Son to save us. I wonder if it is others telling us we are unworthy or unacceptable or unlovable that causes us to lose faith in God's abiding love for us.
In the midst of my wondering ... in the midst of my questioning ... in the midst of my seeking, I keep returning to some verses in the book of Psalms. Verses that tell me God made every part and piece of me ... verses that tell me He knows me from the inside out ... verses that tell me He loves me just as I am.
"For you created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well." Psalm 139:13-14
1 comment:
Absolutely amazing and just what I needed to hear! It is so easy to love my children just as they are. Yet I think how could God love me with all my faults! Thank you for listening and making things clear!
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