Shifting Sand

My son Matt was four and my son Brad was eight months old when we moved from Tennessee to Ft. Lauderdale, Florida, and my daughter Meghann was born 10 months later. Overall, I would have to say that I didn't care much for living in Florida, especially southern Florida, but I did like being only 15 minutes from the beach. I took my kids there a lot while we lived there, and I remember how we would all stand at the edge of the ocean and let the waves wash over our feet. As the water would recede, the sand beneath our feet would shift and cause our feet to sink ... and it was the weirdest feeling, almost as if we were being sucked down into the gritty substance below us. While my boys loved it, Meghann (who was only a year old when we left Florida) would scream and raise her hands for me to pick her up and rescue her from the scary sand as it shifted under her little feet and toes. It's funny how certain things affect us all differently ... what is fun and exhilarating to one person can be terrifying and traumatic to another.

Tonight when I got home from church after listening to the little kids say their Bible verses at Awana, I decided to take Ollie for a walk. It was dark, so we walked a different route, going in the opposite direction on the trail so that we would get to the sidewalk that runs along the busy road near my house. It had rained a little today, so the trail was slick, and it was covered with leaves ... wet, slippery leaves. Ollie was excited to be walking so he was tugging on the leash urging me to walk faster. Even though I walk in trail shoes, I slipped several times before we got to the dry and more textured sidewalk. And each time I slipped, I thought about the sand on the beach when the water would travel back into the ocean and how I would always feel out of control as I struggled to pull my feet from the grit that swirled around them.

I've often said that God teaches me some of His greatest lessons when I'm out walking, and tonight was no exception. So many times now, I feel as though the sand of my life is shifting beneath me and I have no control over the path I'm on. There are so many days when it seems as though I'm losing my footing, that if I don't concentrate with every ounce of energy I have, I'll lose my balance and the swirling sand will suck me under. And with those days comes a feeling of complete and utter helplessness ... much like Meghann must have felt as the sand and water shifted around her little feet. "That's what it is, Ollie," I said out loud to my little hound as we walked. "That's what I'm feeling ... the sand is shifting, little boy, the sand is shifting all around me, and there's nothing I can do to stop it."

It's rather overwhelming sometimes, this shifting and shaking of what once was my ground and my place. There are days ... like today ... when it feels as though the sand is shifting with every passing minute, and I fear that I'll never be on solid ground again. Those days frighten me to the very core of my being ... those days I pray fervently that God would give me His strength and His courage ... those days I pray to the One Who is Lord of all the sand in the universe ... those days I pray that He would once again give me a firm place to stand.

"He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand." Psalm 40:2