If you watch television or listen to the radio or peruse the Internet, you know there was a baby born earlier this week. In fact, I'm pretty sure most of the world knows about the certain baby I'm referring to ... the newest prince to join the British royal family. As I watched some of the media hoopla over the last couple of days regarding the new royal tyke, I'm sure I was joined by millions of other people as my thoughts returned to Prince William's mother, Princess Diana. I remembered the night the world grieved her death, and I couldn't help but feel sad for the little boy who will never know his grandmother. As those thoughts permeated my mind, I also couldn't help but think about how close my own sweet granddaughter came to never knowing me. And even as I type those words, I can see her precious face ... I can hear her sweet laughter ... I can feel her little hand in mine. If I wrote a million words, I could never begin to communicate the emotion that is sweeping through my heart and soul as I think of my children and C.J. and how close I came to ending my life ... mere words could never express how thankful I am that I chose to live.
A couple of weeks ago, I was in a funk ... you know, one of my funks when all I want to do is sleep for days or watch mindless television or a combination of those two activities. I opted for the television choice since it was mid-afternoon on a Saturday, and I settled on a movie about a college professor. I have no idea what the name of the movie was, and I can't tell you much about the storyline, but there was one scene from the film that made a huge impact on me ... a big enough impact that I've thought about it many times since. The professor gave his students a writing assignment ... each of them had to write a paper with the title, "If I'd Never Been Born." Though the movie didn't go into any real detail concerning how most of the students completed the assignment, it did focus on the responses of two of the students, a young man and a young woman from very differing socioeconomic backgrounds. And as I watched the story unfold, I found myself fascinated by how the young people's feelings of whether or not their lives made a difference to anyone was based on mainly one thing ... how well-loved they perceived themselves to be.
Perhaps it's because of the media attention this week on the new prince or perhaps it's because of the special family time I had with all of my children last week, but I've been thinking a whole, whole, whole lot about the "If I'd Never Been Born" assignment from the movie. And as I've thought about it, I've had to admit to myself that there have been many times in my life when I've uttered the words, "I wish I'd never been born," ... many, many, many times. But when I think about my children ... when I think about my granddaughter ... when I think about the amazing people they are and the even more amazing people they are becoming with every passing day ... not only does it make me grateful for my life, it makes me better understand why God chose to breathe life into me in the beginning.
I'm working on a couple of lists that perhaps I'll share with you at some point ... lists that often cause tears to course down my face as I pen them. One list consists of things that have occurred because I was born, and the other is a list of things that may never have happened had I not ... been born, that is. What I will tell you tonight are the two items that top each list. "My wonderful children and granddaughter are alive" stands regally at the top of my because I was born list. "I never would have experienced love ... not giving it to those whom I love nor receiving it from those who love me," resides quietly at the head of my if I'd never been born list.
So what do you say, friends? What if you'd never been born?
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