Quack of the Bat!

When my son Matt was a little guy, my niece would pass along her son's clothes to Matt when her son Jeremy outgrew them. Yeah, yeah ... I know you're scratching your head and thinking, wait a minute ... your niece had a kid before you did? Well, here's how that happened. My sister was 15 when I was born, and she got married really young ... really, really young. And she had my niece when I was two years old, and my niece got married before I did. And she had a baby before I did. I have nieces and nephews who aren't much younger than me, and I have great nieces and great nephews ranging in age from 30ish down to 10ish. And I have two great, great nephews who are around two years old. Crazy, eh? Well, get this ... my oldest brother Jerry would be in his 70s if he were alive, older than some of my friends' parents. Again, I say, crazy, eh? But back to the clothes my niece handed down to Mattie ... it was a total win-win situation for me for three reasons. Sharon has always had great taste in clothing, whether for herself or her kids; it saved me a ton of money; and getting the clothes from her meant I didn't have to shop ... yep, best reason of all three, no shopping required by Terrie.

I still remember a few of the items of clothing that Matt received from Jeremy's abundant kid wardrobe, but there is one in particular that will forever define a part of the Johnson boys family legacy for Matt, Brad, Meghann and me. It wasn't the most expensive article of clothing by any means, nor was it the most attractive either. It was cheap, and some might even say it was ugly. It was just a t-shirt ... a red t-shirt with an applique of a cartoon character duck holding a baseball bat printed on the front along with the caption "Quack of the bat!" emblazoned beneath the grinning bat-wielding fowl. Matt got the shirt when he was in kindergarten, and though I have no clue as to why, he fell in love with that crazy shirt. So much so that when he outgrew it, he absolutely refused to part with it. In fact, Matt squeezed himself into "Quack of the bat!" for many, many, many years. It wasn't until he was in his early teens that he finally passed the shirt along to his brother Brad. Brad who is now 25 years old and the director of film production for a successful company. Brad who still has "Quack of the bat!" tucked away in his t-shirt drawer, though he doesn't wear it anymore. Yep ... the "Quack of the bat!" t-shirt definitely claimed its place in the Johnson boys family legacy, and I often wonder should one of my sons have a son if I will one day see my grandson wearing "Quack of the bat!"

I'm not sure why my sons and their affinity and devotion to the infamous, old red "Quack of the bat!" t-shirt has been on my mind for the past few days ... maybe it's because I've been feeling extra sentimental because all of us will be together on Sunday for the first time since Matt and his family moved to Canada last year. Maybe it's because I feel the passing of time more now than I ever have before. Maybe it's because I've been thinking a lot about the mom I was for my kids back then ... the kind of mom I should have been for my kids over the years ... the kind of mom I'd like to be for my kids now. Maybe it's because the events of my life over the last couple of years have caused me to have an appreciation for the importance of memories ... of leaving a legacy ... of love and laughter and life.

It struck me as I drove home after work today that my sons tried to fit into the "Quack of the bat!" t-shirt long after they had outgrown it for reasons only the two of them will ever know. I can make assumptions as to why they wore that shirt for so many years. I can wonder and ponder and question the why of my sons wearing "Quack of the bat!" until I'm blue in the face. The truth is I will never completely understand because I didn't wear the shirt ... I never wore the shirt, so I can't fully comprehend why wearing "Quack of the bat!" for so long was incredibly important to Matt and Brad. What I do get ... what I do fully understand and comprehend ... is that I love my sons. I love my sons, and had they chosen to wear "Quack of the bat!" every single day for the rest of their lives, I would still love them and I would still believe in them. I might secretly wish they would put on a shirt that was a better fit. I might even quietly hope that one day my sons would look in the mirror and say, "I'm not wearing 'Quack of the bat!' any longer ... I'm not wearing this shirt another day," but I would love them even if they had decided to wear the old shirt forever.

I realized a couple of other things this evening as I've mused about the old red "Quack of the bat!" t-shirt. I realized how very happy I am that my sons made the decision to stop wearing the shirt that was worn and faded and way too small for them. I realized how happy I am that they instead choose every single day to wear what fits them best of all ... themselves. And you know what else? I think I'm growing happier every day that I stopped wearing my own "Quack of the bat!" shirt last fall. I think it's good that today ... today, I'm choosing to wear what fits me best of all, too ... myself.