I've decided that it's a good thing I'll never meet the person who originated the phrase, "Tears are good for the soul," because I'm certain I would punch said originator right in the face. Sometimes I wonder how many tears I've cried over the last year or so ... if I were a betting gal, I would bet probably enough to fill a few oceans. I never used to be a weeper, you know ... just the opposite, in fact. It took something big, really, really, really big to make me cry. Just one more example of how much I've changed, I suppose ... now it seems that I'm often fighting to hold back the tears which so quickly spring to my eyes. If tears really are good for the soul, then my soul should be one of the best in the universe.
I cried my heart out when Matt, Becca and C.J. left yesterday to head back to Becca's parents' home. Goodbyes are always difficult for me, but saying goodbye to my sweet granddaughter yesterday was the most difficult farewell I've ever experienced. Just like I didn't even begin to understand the love grandparents have for their grandchildren until C.J. was born, I never understood how my mom felt each time Matt, Brad and Meghann climbed into our car to leave Tennessee and travel to the faraway land of Kansas until I stood on my driveway yesterday waving goodbye to Matt, Becca and C.J., knowing that on Wednesday morning they will travel back to the far northern reaches of Canada. And I never understood how silent my house really is until I walked inside alone yesterday ... overwhelming, all-encompassing, throbbing, pulsing silence. I cried so much last night that when I finally crawled into my bed for the night, I said aloud to Julie and Ollie, "Surely I don't have any tears left ... surely I'm all done crying." Wrong, wrong, wrong. The moment the words "All done" exited my mouth, I thought of C.J.'s sweet little voice ... "All done, Ghee?"
It took everything in me to get up and go to work today ... all I wanted to do was stay in bed with the covers pulled over my head. I kept telling myself as I got ready for work that I would be fine once I left the house. I told myself that over and over as the tears streamed down my face ... yeah, right. Pulling into a parking place at my office, I wiped the liquid from my eyes, gathered my things, locked my car and walked into the building. When I got to my desk, I was met with a vase filled with beautiful flowers ... sunflowers to be exact ... beautiful sunflowers with a note from my two cubemates. The flowers didn't cause me to stop crying; in fact, I cried off and on all day. The power of those flowers was much more far-reaching than my tears, friends ... the power of those flowers was love. The love I felt from my co-workers today was incredibly powerful. I still cried ... a lot ... but I knew that my friends in the office loved me, that they have loved me on good days and bad, that they love me now, and that they will always love me. I can't think of a better way to close tonight than with the handwritten words written on a piece of printing paper and taped to the vase containing the flowers. Sleep well, everyone ... sleep well.
"Don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened." --- Dr. Seuss
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