Will She Care?

When my three children were young and my mom would come to visit us in Kansas or we would go to visit her in Tennessee, there was always a huge battle over who got to sleep with Granny at night. I never understood why that was such a big deal to my kiddos, especially because Mom snored like a freight train when she slept. Her loudness didn't matter to my children, however ... snuggling in with their little Granny was all that was important to them. Mom wasn't much on reading to my kids, except for 'Twas the Night Before Christmas, but Mom was wonderful about telling them stories. To this day, Matt, Brad and Megs remember those stories ... but even more, they remember that special time with Mom, the time before they drifted off to sleep as they listened to her voice.

I left work a little early yesterday so that I could get to my daughter-in-law's parents' house and spend some time with my granddaughter before her bedtime. Becca had invited several gals she went to high school with over for dinner, and once they all arrived, there were lots of young adults and several babies in the house. C.J. has a molar trying to break through her gum, and she's been a bit out of sorts since they arrived from Canada on Tuesday. She's not eating well because it hurts to chew, and all the extra people and activity last night proved to be too much for a little girl with an achy mouth. Because my son is an amazing husband and father, he tried to soothe his baby girl as much as possible so that Bec could visit with her friends. After dinner, she was just done ... tired, hurting and ready to call it a night. Matt asked if I would like to come upstairs with him as he got C.J. ready for bed ... of course he didn't have to ask me twice on that one. I jumped at the chance to carry my granddaughter up the stairs, tears still on her face from crying.

Matt brought her milk, pajamas and cuddle blankie into the bedroom, and I sat C.J. on the bed and began to take off her shoes. I'm not sure why it is that babies love to get their clothes off, but they all do. The minute I got her shoes and bloomers off, my granddaughter started giggling ... a lot ... and so did my son and I. What followed was an hour or so of one of the sweetest times of my life ... you know, one of those times that you don't expect and when it happens, it's almost magical. The three of us laid on the bed as I read several books to C.J. ... Matt smiled as he took in the scene of his mom reading to his daughter, and he said, "Isn't she great, Mom? Isn't she so sweet? Isn't she wonderful?" When C.J. decided it was hilarious to put her foot on the book as I read, Matt and I couldn't help but laugh out loud as she cackled with laughter. We talked about the most important thing he can ever give his daughter ... the gift he gave her before she was born and the gift he will give her as long as he lives ... unconditional love.

Despite her giggles and saying, "More, more, more," C.J.'s enormous blue eyes grew heavy and Matt lifted her in his arms to carry her into the other room and tuck her into bed for the night. There's nothing like a hug and kiss from a sleepy baby, and I managed to sneak a couple of extra ones before Matt placed my sweet granddaughter in the crib for the night. I patted my son on the back as we walked down the stairs, and I said, "She's so perfect, Matt ... so sweet ... and you are such a great father." Always humble, Matt replied, "She is sweet, isn't she, Mom? And perfect." I said my goodbyes to Becca, her friends and her parents, and Matt said, "I'll walk you out, Mom." As my son gave me a long and lingering hug when we reached the car, tears filled my eyes as I asked him to promise me that he would one day tell C.J. about the time the three of us had just spent together. Matt's eyes filled with tears as well when he said, "Tell her yourself, Mom ... one day, you tell her yourself." I hugged my oldest son tightly as I said, "I miss you, Mattie ... I miss you."

By the time I got to the end of the street, I was sobbing so hard I could barely see, and I cried most of the way home. My tears were about more than missing my son ... about more than the tenderness of the time I had just spent with him and my granddaughter. I cried because I never want to embarrass my children or my granddaughter, and I've worried so much about that since I told the truth about who I am. My tears fell like rain as I asked aloud in my car, "Will she care? Will my precious granddaughter care that I'm different from the other grandmas? Will she be ashamed to be seen with me? Will she care ... will she care? Or will she simply love me for me?" And even as those questions filled my mind and my tears dampened my shirt as they dripped from my face, I heard Matt's words ... "Tell her yourself, Mom ... one day, you tell her yourself."

Will she care? My precious granddaughter will care that I'm her Granny ... she will care that I love her ... she will care that I've loved her daddy and her Uncle Brad and Aunt Meghann since before they were born and that I will love them until I draw my last breath. She will care about what matters most ... love. She will care because my wonderful son and daughter-in-law will teach her to care ... they will teach her to care about love in its purest form ... unconditional love that doesn't see skin color or age or economic status or sexuality. They will teach her to care ... they will teach her to care about others in the world around her ... they will teach her to care about me.