Just in case you're new to my blog, there's something you should know ... I truly, truly, truly hate stormy weather, especially springtime stormy weather in Kansas. Yes, I know that hate is a strong word, and it's rare for me to say that I truly hate something, but it's really the only word that comes anywhere close to describing how I feel about springtime storms in the Midwest. I don't hate them because I've been injured while one was occurring or because I've had a car accident due to one or because I've seen a tornado. I hate them because of the overwhelming anxiety that they produce in me ... anxiety that makes my heart feel as though it's going to beat right out of my chest ... anxiety that causes me to feel nauseated and my head to pound ... anxiety that threatens to squeeze all the oxygen out of my lungs ... anxiety that absolutely, totally and completely consumes me the minute the weather guys talk about severe weather or the TV beeps and the words "severe thunderstorm watch" start scrolling across the screen. And when the tornado sirens sound? Multiply all of the aforementioned physical reactions by a gazillion and that might put you somewhere near the ballpark as to just how bad my storm anxiety truly is.
If you've seen the news in the last couple of days, you know that springtime stormy weather has officially arrived in Kansas. There have been several tornado touchdowns in the state, including a couple close to KC this afternoon, and we're under a tornado watch until 10 p.m. tonight. As I type, the thunder is rolling and it's pouring rain ... did I mention that I truly hate springtime storms in the Midwest? Thankfully, the weather guys say the tornado threat is lessening and that the biggest danger tonight is flooding ... just in case you're worried, let me assure you that I have zero anxiety about being washed away in a flood. I'm not consumed with anxiety when it's thundering and lightning ... until, of course, those two forces of nature decide to hook up with the hail and the wind and those horrible swirling things that drop down out of the sky.
This afternoon while I was at work, the sky turned dark and the radar on my computer screen ... of course I was keeping an eye on the radar, duh ... was suddenly covered with one of those red boxes that indicates a tornado warning has been issued. For those of you who've never lived in tornado country, a tornado warning is a lot different than a tornado watch. A watch means conditions are favorable for tornado development and you should keep an eye on the weather just in case. A warning means either that a tornado has been indicated on radar or that one has been reported by a trained spotter or storm chaser ... which, by the way, begs the huge question in my mind as to why in the hell anyone would ever choose to be a trained tornado spotter. And even more insane to me is that a person would actually chase a storm hoping it will form into a tornado ... I'm telling you right now, those are the people who need to spend a serious amount of time with a head doctor. Alas, I digress ... back to this afternoon's tornado warning.
You can bet I was already packing up my things when the email came telling us to all head to the bottom floor of our building, and I wasted no time in doing just that. I should probably back up here and tell you that I had already been ... ummm ... fairly vocal in informing the folks who sit near me about the weather situation. Translation: I had already been freaking out for several hours before the warning was even issued, and everyone sitting within earshot was well aware of my steadily increasing anxiety. Most of my co-workers and I spent about 45 minutes on the first floor until leadership said it was safe for us to head back upstairs. I went back to my desk, finished up a couple of projects I had been working on, looked at the radar and decided to take advantage of the small storm-free window and make a mad dash for home. Though the wind almost blew my car off the road a couple of times, I made it home just before the thunder, lightning and rain ramped up again.
Now before I say what I really want to say tonight, let me say this ... I'll be the first to admit that my storm anxiety was in high gear this afternoon, and I get it that if someone has never experienced anxiety firsthand, there's really no way they can fully understand what it feels like. I get that ... I really and truly do. But what I don't get is when someone teases me when I'm deep in the throes of those very real ... and yes, I do mean very, very, very real ... physical manifestations of anxiety. I mean seriously ... if I could make my heart beat normally ... if I could stop myself from feeling like I'm going to hurl ... if I could get rid of the hammer pounding inside my head ... if I could pry the vise off of my lungs ... if I could somehow make the anxiety disappear, I most certainly would.
See here's the thing, friends ... telling me that I'm being a drama queen or that I need to chill out or to just get over it or calling me names does only one thing ... it makes me feel even worse about my stupid, irrational, over-the-top fear of storms. No, wait ... when someone makes those types of statements to me right in the middle of a full-blown anxiety attack, it does something else, too ... it makes me feel like a total and complete failure because I can't make it go away. But ... but ... but ... for every person who didn't get it today, there were a whole lot more who did. They were patient and kind to me ... they kept me updated on the exact location of the storm ... they didn't poo-poo my fear ... they hugged me and assured me they would take care of me. And in doing so, they made me feel like maybe I'm not such a freak after all. They didn't label my storm anxiety as a big fat fail ... they didn't tease me or call me names, they saw my very real and obvious fear and made a conscious decision to help me through it.
I was drowning in anxiety this evening as I drove home this evening ... the closer I got to home, the sky was getting darker and darker, and the clouds were doing a weird swirly thing. You'd better bet I did some intense praying those last few miles, and I'm not sure I've ever been so glad to walk into my house and scoop Ollie the wiener dog up in my arms. It's still raining like crazy, and the weather guys are saying there will be thunderstorms off and on all night and most of the day tomorrow. But for tonight, the tornado watch has been allowed to expire, and I've got a sweet little wiener dog stretched across my lap snoring like a bear.
Stay safe tonight ... and be kind to one another. Be compassionate. Be understanding. Be patient. Be there for someone who needs you, friends ... be there ... you have no idea what a difference you may make.
No comments:
Post a Comment