Enough Already

Tonight's post is one of those that should begin with a couple of disclaimer statements: 1) I've had enough, and I've decided it's time to speak my mind about something, and 2) I had a difficult time choosing the title for tonight's post because the first 20 or so that came to me would have probably caused me to be banned from blogging forevermore. Those of you who've been reading my blog for a while know that I often begin my posts with a story of some sort, and often those stories are sentimental and involve sweet memories from the past. I've got an opening story tonight, too, and it involves some memories from the past as well. But tonight's story is different than most of the opening ones I pen ... tonight's story is one that causes me pain, one that I'm not proud of in any way, one that I wish I could erase from my past. Tonight's story is one that ... well ... just let me tell you the story.

Once upon a time, I was not a nice person. Now, I know that's a blanket statement, so let me explain a little. I've never killed anyone ... well, wait ... let me think about that for a minute. Would killing a person's soul with the words I've spoken be the same as murder in God's eyes? I've never stolen anything ... well, wait ... let me think about that for a minute. Would stealing a person's joy with the condemnation I've leveled be the same as theft in God's eyes? I've never set a building on fire ... well, wait ... let me think about that for a minute. Would the flaming insults I've tossed onto a person's heart be the same as arson in God's eyes? If those comparisons really are the same in God's eyes, then I am indeed a murderer and a thief and an arsonist. And do you know why? Because all of those acts have something in common ... judgment ... and that's who I once was, a not so nice person who judged others in a big way. I judged people based on their appearance or their knowledge or their speech or their education or their social standing or their faith (or lack thereof). Yep, I used to dish out some pretty harsh judgments to other people. Sometimes my judgment was silent, but more often than not, I said what I thought and didn't care if my words were hurtful. I wish I could take back every word, undo the pain I caused, ask for forgiveness from every person I wounded.

At the beginning of this post, I said I've had enough ... I have most definitely had enough, and I have something to say. In the days following my post on New Year's Day of this year, I was inundated with emails and messages, so many that my inbox filled up faster than I could empty it. And for the first couple of days, I tried to read a lot of those messages, but I had to stop for two reasons ... there were too many for me to read them all, and a great deal of the ones I read were rife with judgment and condemnation. It's easy to hide behind a keyboard and type words that wound another person's soul, very, very easy. Though I've had some of the most difficult conversations I've ever had in my entire life during the last month (many of which involved the same type of judgment as well), I have a great deal of respect for those folks who came and talked to me personally. Even though it was hard for both them and me, at least they had the guts to look me in the eye and say what they felt they needed to say. Just this week, I received an email from an elder in a church, a man whom I wouldn't know if he walked up and punched me in the face ... a man who doesn't know me at all but after reading my blog felt the need to email me and inform me about organizations that could "heal" me. I've got news for that elder, folks ... I already know about those groups and have for many years. In fact, just so all of you know ... I've practically worn out the carpet by the side of my bed praying for God to change me, and so far, He hasn't chosen to do so.

See here's the thing I've had enough of ... the thing I've definitely had enough of is judgment. I don't want to be judgmental ever again, and I think I've come a heck of a long way in regard to loving and accepting other people for exactly who they are. And I've had enough of being judged ... I've told the people who've talked to me one on one that I don't need anyone else to hate me ... I've hated myself enough for everyone on the planet. The real truth, the only truth that really matters, is that only God can judge me or anyone else because only He is truly righteous. If I haven't learned anything over the last months of my life, I've learned this ... the whole judging thing hurts everyone involved. Whether or not I realize it at the time I'm doing it, I'm hurting myself when I judge others. And I know firsthand what it feels like to be judged ... it flipping, stinking hurts. Judgment leaves wounds that are deep and painful ... judgment leaves wounds that in turn cause giant scars to form, scars that are ever-present reminders of just how painful judgment is, whether you're handing it out or taking it in, judgment hurts.

A friend at work said to me today, "Maybe people need a reminder that self-reflection can go both ways. Before you judge others, take a look in the mirror." I think that's a statement we would all do well to remember ... in fact, I think I recall that Jesus himself had something to say along those same lines. And I can't help but wonder if He were here in person today ... I can't help but wonder if He might say, "Enough already. Stop ripping each other apart and tearing each other down. Enough already with the judging ... help one another and love one another, and leave the judging up to Me." Think about it, friends ... think long and hard about it.

“Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven." Luke 6:37

“Do not judge, or you too will be judged." Matthew 7:1