Immeasurable

One of the big selling points for me when I bought my little house was the wooden, covered deck that sits behind my kitchen. There is nothing better than sitting out on the deck, grilling steaks or shrimp, reading a good book or talking with a friend on a warm night. There is something so peaceful and relaxing about it, almost soothing in a way. Over the last 11 years, I've spent more nights than I can count out on my deck, and I've got a ton of memories wrapped in those pieces of wood. I've prayed on my deck, and I've searched my soul on my deck. I've laughed on my deck, and I've cried on my deck.

For many years, my family teased me about the fact that I didn't cry very often. They used to say that I was hardhearted (in a joking way, of course) because I rarely, if ever, cried about anything. It was always in fun, because they all knew that I had a very soft heart ... it wasn't that I didn't hurt or have deep emotions, I simply didn't cry much. And when I did cry in front of anyone, it was a big deal ... a really big deal.

Fast forward to me now, and it seems as though I cry at the drop of a hat. In fact, many days, I struggle to keep from crying. There is no rhyme or reason to my tears, nothing has to happen or not happen to make me well up ... I just cry. When you take my already weepy state and throw in a big event like oh, say, my daughter's wedding into the mix, it serves up a recipe for some major crying for sure. So needless to say, I've done more than my share of shedding tears for the last few weeks as her wedding drew nearer.

Last night as I sat on my deck watching Julie and Ollie play in the yard after the last of my guests had departed, my eyes welled with tears as I began to think about all the ways my life has changed over the last few years ... some changes have been good, and some have been difficult. And as the drops fell onto my shirt, I wondered just how many tears I've cried throughout my life. Almost as soon as the thought entered my mind, another thought struck me ... in human terms, the number of my tears is immeasurable, but in God's terms, He knows each tear I've cried. Not one tear has left my eye without Him seeing, knowing, caring.

So, God, I'll leave the measuring and counting to You ... and I trust that You not only number my tears, You hold the heart that sheds them in the palm of Your mighty hand. Immeasurable ... Your love for me, Lord, is immeasurable.