Wednesday, January 16, 2013

This is Me Yelling

I'm sure that many of you who are parents of multiple children may readily empathize with the following statement: One of my three children was born yelling. Yep, the minute little Bradley sucked air into his lungs, he was busy trying to find a way to empty those same lungs of every ounce of air they held. Yep, Brad was a screamer for sure. He screamed at night. He screamed during the day. He screamed all the flipping time. And it wasn't only when he was a baby either ... his screaming, yelling, kicking, slamming the door, beating his head against the wall phase of life lasted ... well, it lasted a long, long, long time. Or it least it felt like it did anyway. In all fairness to Bradley Bear, I think part of the reason he screamed so much when he was young was because he had some really severe food allergies, and I think his little tummy probably hurt more than it didn't. But ... those of us who lived with him knew that an upset stomach was only part of Brad's yelling. Yep, my little Bradley had a temper ... when he got mad, everyone in the neighborhood knew it.

Last Saturday, I had lunch with my now all-grown-up son and his sweet girlfriend Shelby (and yes, I completely love that she has a sweet Southern name to go with her sweet personality). I can't remember now what caused the conversation to go in the direction that it did, but Brad and I filled Shelby in on how he used to slam his door over and over and over again. We laughed as we wondered which took more of a beating back then, the door he repeatedly slammed or his head from him pounding it against the wall. Yep, we can laugh about it now, but back then ... back then, not so much. I've smiled several times since Saturday thinking about Brad and his screaming and yelling when he was young ... I can close my eyes and picture him in his room decorated with fire trucks and Dalmatian dogs ... Brad in his room yelling at the top of his lungs.

I've learned a lot over the last couple of years about communication, about how important it is that we communicate with one another. Not communicating about some really big life stuff almost killed me ... yep, I've surely learned a lot about the importance of speaking from my heart and not keeping things buried inside. I've also come to realize that I communicate way more through the written word than I ever did before, perhaps because I have a lot of days now when talking is just too hard. It's harder to look another person in the eyes and talk when I'm having a rough day than it is to send them an instant message or an email. But here's the thing ... sometimes it's hard to really get what someone is saying when you don't look into their eyes, when you read their words rather hear them ... when you read their words rather than see the person as they speak ... when you read their words rather than feel their heart as they talk. Unless, of course ... the person uses all caps.

I know this may be hard for many of you to believe, but sometimes the life-saving head doctor sends me emails that have certain words written in all caps. It may also be hard for you to believe that sometimes my friends send me emails that have certain words written in all caps. Hard to believe because words written in all caps in emails or instant messages that come my way generally mean one thing ... I'm getting yelled at, and yes, more often than not, I totally deserve said yelling. One week when I was really down, one of my friends sent me an email that had ... ummm ... well, it had a lot of words in all caps. When I replied that I knew she was yelling at me, her return answer has given me pause to chuckle each time I recall it. "SMILE, darn it ... SMILE! That's me yelling!"

As I was driving home from work tonight, I found myself asking God a question ... "If You sent me an email, God, would Your words be written in all caps? Would You say, 'I LOVE YOU, TERRIE ... I LOVE YOU! That's Me yelling!'"?

Hmmm ... I wonder ... I wonder indeed. 

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