Faster Than a Speeding Wiener

My love for Superman goes way back to when I was a kid. I remember the day my brother Jerry gave me my first Superman comic book, and I remember reading it over and over while I was stretched out high above the ground in my tree house. If I had that comic book today, I would be rich ... gosh, I probably pitched a million dollars or more into the trash between all the comics and baseball cards I had, but back then I had no idea how valuable they might be someday. Superman was always my favorite superhero of all the Justice League gang ... he had x-ray vision, super strength and speed, incredible hearing, he could fly and he had a completely cool costume ... seriously ... what's not to love about Superman? After the comics came the movies and eventually two different television series ... Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman and Smallville. And yes, I watched both of those shows faithfully ... of course I did.

Over the last couple of days, several of the Superman movies have been on television, and since my stomach is still more than a bit upset, I've spent a good part of those days stretched out on my couch watching them. In my total couch potato state, I've been thinking about the famous description of the man of steel ... "Faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, able to leap tall buildings in a single bound." And I've come to the conclusion that I now live with a wiener dog who possesses his own superpower ... speed ... flying, leaping, unbelievable speed. Remember the rabbit kill count I mentioned a few posts ago? Well, that's now up to five for my little hunter dog ... but ... he's added a new species to his list of "critters I can hunt, catch and kill if they come into my yard." Yep, over the last few days, Ollie has mastered the art of snagging birds in flight when they fly down out of the tree ... three thus far. I know some of you may find it hard to believe that my seemingly mild-mannered wiener hound can run fast enough and jump high enough to catch a bird, but I promise you, he's learned how to do just that ... in fact, this morning, I sprayed my trash can with Lysol once again because there's a newly deceased feathered creature inside of it.

Here's the thing ... Ollie has lived with me and Julie for a little over two years, and not once during that time did he ever kill another animal, not once. But, he's been on a diet for the last few months because he had gotten too chubby, and he's lost a fair amount of weight ... enough that he's now lightning fast when he runs ... faster than a speeding wiener. And just like Superman lived as Clark Kent and kept his true identity a secret, Oliver lived as a peace-loving, overfed dog, never letting me see his true identity ... a super fast wiener dog who was born and bred to be a hunter. I'm certainly hoping that both the rabbit and bird communities have gathered for a tribal council of some sort to warn one another to stay away from Oliver Chance Johnson's yard if they value their lives. And I'm also hoping that my loud and stern reprimanding of Ollie combined with multiple baths and teeth brushings (which he hates, by the way) will cause him to think twice before he goes into full-blown attack mode ... yeah, right.

Last night as I got ready for bed, I was thinking about Superman and Ollie ... about secret identities ... about superpowers ... about good versus evil. And the more I thought about those things, the more I realized something ... something big. I related to Superman so much when I was young because I understood what it meant to hide ... even way back then, I understood about creating an identity that would cover my secret and keep me safe and protected from those who would want to harm me should they ever discover the truth. And just as Ollie has found a new sense of freedom since he got skinny, losing so much weight over the last three years has been liberating to me on so many levels ... I can walk for miles, bike deep into the woods, mow my lawn and play basketball with my neighbor boys. And maybe ... maybe one day, I'll understand what I was born to do ... what God created me to do.

Faster than a speeding wiener ... more powerful than the train coming toward me ... able to leap the obstacles I encounter along the way. Faster than a speeding wiener ... not such a bad thing to be, I think ... not such a bad thing at all.