Idol Worship

Tonight is one of those nights when I don't feel like doing anything ... and I do mean anything. I don't feel like eating or talking or writing or thinking or walking (though I did force myself to walk the wiener dog tonight). I must confess, however, that other than my short walk with Ollie, I've done nothing but curl up on the couch with my dogs. Ever since I started the new medication a little over a week ago, I haven't felt well ... headache, queasy stomach and tired to the bone. My doctor says it will get better and that I just have to give my body time to adjust, adapt and accept the new drug ... to which I would very much like to say, "Pish posh," and flush the stupid medication down the toilet. Probably not the greatest idea, though, so I managed to choke down some peanut butter and take another pill this evening. But back to my slothlike behavior tonight ... for the first time in a very long time, I laid on my couch and channel surfed. And though I haven't watched American Idol very often, that's where I settled tonight ... on the American Idol finale show.

What caught my attention and caused me to stop changing channels was Aretha Franklin belting out a song that she made popular years ago, accompanied by the top five female contestants from this season's Idol. But what kept me watching until the end of the show was my interest in seeing which of the two women, Candice or Kree, became the new American Idol. I should probably put a spoiler alert in here before I say who was the winner; stop reading if you don't want to know. When Ryan Seacrest dramatically (of course) announced that Candice had won, she immediately began to cry. And the truth is ... and yes, I know it's dumb ... I got pretty misty-eyed myself as the scene unfolded on my TV. It's probably just as well that I got teary as I watched Candice crying, because it was a short hop from teary to bawling when she began singing her final song, I Am Beautiful.

When the show ended, I immediately Googled the lyrics to the song, and I'm not sure if it was meant to be a worship song or if that's just the way the words struck me (along with the way Candice kept looking toward heaven as she sang it). See, here's the thing ... as those of you who know me well are very aware, I'm still trying to find my way when it comes to how God sees me ... with who He made me to be ... with where He is calling me to serve ... with so many things when it comes to Him. It strikes me as odd, really odd, that during a time when everything in me wants to crawl into my cave and stay there, I happen to watch a show I rarely watch and hear the words to a song that went straight to my heart. I'm going to close with just part of the lyrics ... maybe some of you need to hear them tonight, too.

"Cause I’m listening to his words
And he says I am beautiful
And when I fall
It don’t matter that I’m not perfect
I am beautiful
I’m not alone
And in his eyes I’m so worth it
I’m worth every tear
And every scar
And even when you say I’m not
He says I’m beautiful."