Looking for Normal

Before I get into my post for this evening, let me say that my heart grieves, as I'm sure yours does as well, for the people of Moore, Oklahoma. It's always heart-wrenching to watch on television the devastation following a tornado strike, but I can't imagine witnessing it firsthand. I remember when my son Brad went to Joplin, Missouri, to film a documentary in conjunction with a company from California just a couple of weeks following the massive EF5 tornado that hit the town two years ago tomorrow. I remember Brad calling me several times over the few days that he was there, often moved to tears at what he was seeing and the stories the survivors were telling him. I cannot even begin to comprehend how deep the sorrow must be for the people of Moore today, especially those who lost loved ones yesterday. There are no words ... but please know that millions of people around the world are lifting you and your families in prayer and will continue to do so.

Yesterday morning, I did something I haven't done for years ... when my alarm sounded at 6:15 a.m., I didn't wake up. At some point, I suppose I must have roused long enough to hit the snooze button to silence the beeping, but I don't remember doing it. And I had gone to bed pretty early the night before, too, so it wasn't like I hadn't gotten much sleep. I have no idea how or why I slept straight through the normally annoying, loud, wakeful beast that sits beside my bed on the dresser. I do know, however, that when my dogs finally woke me up and I saw what time it was, my first thought was, "Is it Sunday or Monday?" And when my fuzzy brain cleared enough for me to realize that it was indeed Monday, I bolted out of bed and raced through my morning routine so that I could at least attempt to get to work on time. Thankfully, either there were no rabbits in my yard yesterday morning or Ollie's wiener dog hunting radar was temporarily down ... that would have been all I needed, to have to dispose of another rabbit body on a morning when I was already running incredibly late. I did manage to make it to work close to on time, mainly because by the time I actually got on the road, traffic was relatively light.

All day yesterday, I couldn't help but wonder over and over what caused me not to hear my alarm, and one thought lodged in my mind and has stayed there all day today as well ... "That's not normal ... it's not normal at all for me not to wake up when the alarm sounds." Normal ... that's a word I've said a lot recently, a whole, whole, whole lot. But so much more important than the fact that I've been saying that word a lot is that I've been looking to be that word my entire life. See, here's what normal means to most girls ... normal is wearing dresses and liking sparkly fingernail polish and being able to actually walk in heels without tripping and participating in conversations with other gals about cute outfits or jewelry or any number of other girly things. And you know what I've come to understand lately? If that's the definition of a "normal" girl, well then, I've never been normal and I'm pretty sure I never will be. My definition of the perfect casual outfit is overalls, a flannel shirt and hiking boots in the winter or khaki shorts, a polo shirt and Converse shoes in the summer. And the perfect dressy outfit is slacks, a button-down collared shirt, suspenders, tie, jacket and wing-tip shiny shoes. Yep, I definitely don't fit the definition of a normal gal on any level ... not on any level at all.

I've been trying to "girl up" my look a little, so it's been three weeks since I've worn suspenders ... three miserable weeks since I've worn my beloved suspenders. This morning, I stood gazing into my closet wanting desperately to wear my blue slacks, blue oxford shirt, suspenders, blue and green plaid tie, and black wing-tip shoes. But instead, I wore skinny jeans and a pink, blue and lime green shirt with a girly white t-shirt underneath ... because I'm trying to be someone else's definition of what normal should be for me. And that definition is about so much more than clothing ... it's about so much more than clothing, friends. 

Even as I type those words, I'm thinking of the people in Oklahoma ... looking for normal ... the true brevity of life ... looking for normal indeed.