Guest Blog Post # 4

I've sort of fallen down on my commitment to having guest bloggers join me in writing posts, and I apologize for being remiss in that regard. I know if I were you, I would tire of reading only my words and long for a bit of variety now and again. So tonight's post is written by someone who knows the true meaning of sacrificial love, though she would tell you she doesn't. She is a most humble, kind, gracious, loving, intelligent soul, and she's taught me more lessons over the last years than I could even begin to recount. I would encourage you to read her words tonight with your hearts, because I know beyond the shadow of a doubt, they come directly from her own. 

"Love Beyond the Vows"

"If you have ever stood before an officiant and spoken the words of commitment “in sickness and in health,” then perhaps at the time you focused only on the mention of 'health.' When standing next to the one you love, you never consider that 'sickness' might invade your life until far, far down the road in the journey of your marriage. And, even then, you probably don’t think that perhaps the impact of spousal illness will completely change your life. No, it’s not what you concentrate on during your wedding ceremony. But, friends, it happens. Never did I dream that the life of my beloved spouse would be filled with the horror of chronic, debilitating illness and its requisite pain and suffering.

One life event is forever etched in my mind. I crept slowly into the bedroom on that fateful evening to check and found that his breathing had ceased. I remember my frantic call to 911, the urgency and confusion from the EMTs, a complicated hospital admission, ICU and then a private room for so many days, and finally a diagnosis of chronic, incurable disease. From the moment I found him, I never left his side, except to go home once to shower and get more clean clothes along with his favorite brands of unscented soap and tissues. The nursing staff seemed baffled by my steadfastness. They insisted my presence distracted from the healing process.

His team of doctors tried to evict me from his room, but I respected his wishes for me to stay with him. Even when he returned home, I stayed with him for as long as I could before returning to full-time work, mainly because I had the full support of my employer. Since that day, I have been his caregiver in both big and small ways as well as the family breadwinner.

Many times over the past 20 years, people ask me why we haven’t hired outside help or, even worse, considered inpatient care in a long-term facility. The answer is simple; we choose to stay together and care for one another. Yes, he provides as much love and support for me as I do for him. We desire to make sacrifices for each other. God provides for us and, because of His grace and mercy, we are able now to be with each other 24/7.

Family and friends often say to me that I need to “get a life” outside of caring for my beloved. That strikes me oddly because I am quite content providing the care my spouse needs. Perhaps it’s because I believe with all my heart that we are blessed to be with one another. It’s a privilege to take care of my best friend. He’s the kind of friend that everyone longs for…he loves me unconditionally and accepts me in spite of all of my flaws. He makes it easy to be kind, caring, giving, and compassionate.

One reason it is never difficult to provide care is that my 'patient' is forever grateful for my help. Never a day goes by that he doesn’t thank me for even the little things I do for him. Gratitude begets gratitude…it makes me thankful that he lets me know that I do a good job. Of course, both of us are human. Sometimes our patience with one another wears thin. When that happens, we try to reasonably discuss our differences and resolve them as quickly as possible. We pray together when we can’t find the perfect solution, and God is faithful to give us the answers we seek.

Some of my Christian friends congratulate me for performing what they call my 'duty' to my husband. Perhaps what they really mean is that when love AND duty are one, then God’s grace lives within you. God’s grace is always sufficient.

With the current longer life expectancy, many of you reading this guest blog may be caring for someone you love or will be sometime in the future. The advice that I offer is to never consider it a 'burden,' but rather consider it God’s faith in your ability to love as He would love…your hands and heart are His while on the earth.

Would I change things if I could? Yes, I pray daily for my husband’s total healing. The granting of that prayer is in God’s hands and timing. Until then, I have the joy of being with my husband…talking, laughing, loving, sharing, enjoying, and just being. And, for me, it’s never a sacrifice."