Twinkle Twinkle Little Star

Each one of my three children is musically talented, and they certainly didn't inherit that talent from me or their father ... not at all. All three of them can sing and play an instrument ... Meg plays the piano, and Matt and Brad play guitar. Sometimes when I'm alone in my house, I think about the days when my home was filled with the music of my children. When Matt was in high school, he recruited some of his friends and established the first-ever youth praise team at our church. He was the lead singer and guitar player for the team, and I remember like it was yesterday the music floating down from his room upstairs as he practiced worship songs over and over until they flowed perfectly from his lips and his guitar. I often wish that the walls of my house still held that music and that I could push a magic button and have it fill my home once again.

It's been many, many years since I heard Matt play his guitar and sing, and several times when we were Skyping I thought about asking him if he still played but I never did. In fact, I didn't even ask him when I first arrived in Canada, even though I noticed his guitar on its stand. But then on Christmas, Matt got out his guitar and played and sang to his sweet daughter ... in her room, with the curtains drawn and the lights turned off, her "Unca Bad and Selby ladybug" Christmas gift projecting stars and the moon on the ceiling of her room. Tears filled my eyes as I watched C.J. listen to Matt play the guitar, her crystal blue eyes shining with adoration as her daddy sang to her. The scene that unfolded before me as I sat in C.J.'s little closet was so very precious ... my son serenading his little girl ... one of those memories I'd like to sear into my brain forever.

It only took a couple of days after I got here for me to learn that my granddaughter loves the song Twinkle Twinkle Little Star ... she asked me at least a thousand times as we drove to and from the mountains to find the song on her Violet the dog electronic music thingie. And she was so darned cute when she asked me that of course I complied with her request every time, feeling so special because my only granddaughter needed my help in selecting her favorite song ... until her mom and dad informed me that she knows how to find the song by herself and was totally playing me. See? I told you she is a genius, and her getting me to push a button on a furry music-playing dog for hours and hours is simply proof of her extreme intelligence. And I couldn't help but smile as she said the same words to her daddy that she had said to me ... "More little star, peas ... more little star." Suffice it to say that she has her daddy wrapped pretty tightly around her finger as well, because I lost count of how many times he played and sang Twinkle Twinkle Little Star to his precious baby girl.

Early tomorrow morning I will board a plane and head back to Kansas City, though everything in me would love to stay here and love on my little C.J. a while longer. This afternoon, I sat on the end of the couch while Matt was stretched out on the other end with C.J. snuggled on his chest ... and memories of my own blonde-haired, blue-eyed little one snuggling with me almost 30 years ago were coursing through my mind. I could feel the tears stinging my eyes as they formed and I realized how very much I needed this time with my son and his family ... how very much little C.J. is a soothing balm for my lonely heart. My brain knows that I have to go home ... that I have to go back to the real world ... but my heart wants to stay here ... my heart wants to stay here and just be Ghee. See that's the thing ... all I am to C.J. is Ghee, nothing more, nothing less. I'm Ghee who loves her and wrestles with her on the floor and lets her eat my food and tells her stories and giggles with her and hugs her and gets in trouble with her for being too loud or laughing too hard. I don't have to keep my guard up when I'm with her or worry about what I wear or how my hair is cut or what other people think about me. All I am to my precious granddaughter is her Ghee ... nothing more, nothing less, just her Ghee.

My time here in Canada with Matt, Becca and C.J. has been incredible, and we've made a stack of memories together ... memories that will remain in my heart forever. It was super hard to tell C.J. that I wouldn't be here when she wakes up tomorrow, and I'm sure that saying goodbye to Matt at the airport in the morning will be emotional for me as well. But ... I'm still here to cry those tears, friends ... I'm still here to cry them, and I'm so glad I am.

"More little star, peas ... more little star."