The Grand Finale

A little over a week ago, I was riding in the back seat of my son and daughter-in-law's Toyota Prius with my granddaughter in Canada as we traveled to the little mountain town of Banff. It was a 4-hour drive, and if you've ever had kids, you know that's a long time for an almost 2-year-old to be strapped into a child safety seat. C.J. did great on the lengthy rides to and from the mountains for the most part, only getting restless near the end of both trips. It was during those times that I began telling her stories ... not traditional stories, mind you, because I can't remember those classic kid nursery rhymes, but stories I made up as the miles clipped by. My stories would not have been considered brilliant works of art by any means to any polished literary critic, but to the only person in the world who mattered ... my precious granddaughter ... they ranked right up there with the best of the best. I know that to be true because each time I finished telling her a story, C.J. said, "More 'tories, Ghee ... more 'tories," and she listened intently to every word I said. Let me say that again ... my granddaughter listened intently to every word I said.

I've struggled for more than a month with what I wanted to say in tonight's post ... my final post for 2013 ... a truly life-changing year for me. I spent some time this morning reading back through several of this year's posts ... holy, holy, holy crap ... I've done a lot of confessing in my blog this year. Some of those confessions were small ones, like admitting I drink almond milk straight from the carton or that I sometimes vacuum in the summer wearing only my underwear, and some of those confessions were ... well ... a bit bigger and way more life-altering to say the least. I've had some incredible guest bloggers throughout the year, with my first-ever guest blogger penning her post on this day one year ago. Her kind and humbling words set the stage for my post that followed on New Year's Day ... the post that quite literally changed my life forever. The year 2013 has without question been one of the most difficult in my 54 years of life ... but ... but ... but ... it's also been the year when I have learned more, trusted more, loved more, believed more, accepted more, listened more and grown more than I ever have before. 

It's quite interesting to me that one of the questions I am asked most frequently remains the same a whole year after "the" post ... "If you could do it over, would you still tell the truth about who you are?" The short answer to that question is yes, but the longer answer ... the answer that truly matters ... is that I know beyond the shadow of even the smallest doubt I couldn't pretend or hide or lie any longer. At least I couldn't keep hiding the truth about myself and stay alive anyway. That question ... "If you could do it over, would you still tell the truth about who you are?" ... that question could and should be asked of every single one of us. In my mind, that question shouldn't be about a person's sexuality ... in my mind, that question should be about a person's character and integrity and honesty. That question should be about being honest about who I am as a person ... nothing more and nothing less. The truth is that the world would be a much better place if we could all be honest about who we are ... if we all could say, "No more pretending, no more hiding, no more lying." 

Yes, 2013 was the year I publicly came out, and it hasn't been the easiest year of my life for sure. You know that because you've walked along the path with me through the words of this blog ... you've walked with me through the pain, the hurt, the guilt, the questioning and the shame. Yep, 2013 was the year I flung open the door to my closet and let you see the real me. But it was also the year I traveled to Canada ... twice ... on an airplane. It was the year I helped create the Ears Wide Open? video and have been blessed to see it help thousands of people. It was the year my granddaughter first called me Ghee. It was the year I got pulled over by a policeman who could have written me three tickets but instead showed me grace. It was the year I wore a tie and suspenders to work every day for a whole week. It was the year I knew ... really, really, really knew ... how very much I love my children and how very much they love me. It was the year I changed my head doctor's moniker from "stupid" to "life-saving." It was the year I learned who my real friends are. It was the year I met Gary and Elizabeth and many others like them. It was the year I became acquainted with the term "flu-slap" and came to understand and appreciate the importance of accountability on a whole new level. It was the year I found my faith again. It was the year Ollie the wiener dog became a serial rabbit killer. It was the year I celebrated a most important anniversary ... a most important anniversary indeed.

I know 2013 has been a difficult year for many of you and you feel like there's no way out of the darkness that surrounds you ... but there is. If you don't remember anything else from tonight's post, remember this ... not that long ago, I didn't want to live anymore and a little over a week ago, I was in the back seat of my son and daughter-in-law's Toyota Prius in Canada listening to my granddaughter say, "More 'tories, Ghee ... more 'tories." I know there will be days in the new year that will be tough ... I know because I know how much I still struggle with being who I am. But I also know there will be days that will be remarkable ... I know because I know there are more stories to be told, more stories to be written, more stories to be lived. 

It seems only fitting to close tonight's post with words that were penned on New Year's Eve last year by my guest blogger ... words each one of us should take to heart ... words each one of us should remember ... words each one of us should strive to live out every single day. Here's to a happy new year, friends ... a happy, open, honest, real and transparent new year.

"Just be you. Awesome you."