Not the Best You

It's never good to start a Wednesday thinking it's Saturday ... especially if thinking Wednesday is Saturday involves turning off my alarm and waking up 30 minutes before I needed to be in my car driving to work. I'm not talking hitting the snooze button a few times so I could sleep an extra 10-15 minutes ... nope ... I'm talking completely turning off the alarm because I thought today was Saturday and sleeping an extra hour. Honestly, I'm surprised I woke up when I did considering how much I tossed and turned during the night ... stuffy nose, bad dreams, snoring dogs, trains whistling, owls hooting ... suffice it to say it was one of those nights when I was awake more than I was asleep. So I say again ... I'm surprised I woke up when I did. Thank God for dogs who needed to pee, I suppose, or I probably would have slept until noon. Surprisingly, I wasn't a complete grump today ... at least I don't think I was anyway. Normally, a sleepless night plus a stress-filled morning turn me into a snippy, jerky ... well ... suffice it to say that's the perfect combo for making me not be the best me.

Today, one of my friends at work told me I had something in my teeth, and another friend fixed the twisted collar on my shirt. Neither of them told me I had a booger in my nose, so I'm assuming I was booger-free for the duration of the workday (which is always a good thing, by the way). Come on ... you know you've been there, too ... you've had one of those days when you had crap in your teeth or your fly was unzipped or you smelled bad or your clothes didn't match or you had a giant booger dangling from your nose or all kinds of other moments when you weren't on your game or looking your best. While it's embarrassing to be told that your toupee is crooked or you have dirt on the seat of your pants, thank God for friends who tell us those things, eh? Everyone should have at least one friend who won't hesitate to step up and tell you stuff like that ... everyone should have at least one friend who will look you in the eye and tell you when something's not right.

As you well know if you've been reading along with me for a while, sometimes I get in a funk ... and when I do, I'm not a very fun person to be around. I've learned that those funks are sometimes the result of circumstances or events, but sometimes they are painful reminders that depression is a nasty beast that can choose to rear its massively ugly head when I least expect it. And truth be told, when I'm in that place, it doesn't really matter what sent me there ... it just matters that I'm there. Most people know when I'm in funk land ... I stop talking ... I stop smiling ... I stop interacting pretty much altogether. My instinct is to crawl way down inside my cave and hunker down and hope it passes quickly. Want to know a secret? There are times when living in the cave feels so much safer than living outside in the jungle. Go ahead ... chew on that one for a bit ... it's deep.

Last week, a friend stepped up and told me some hard things about my cave ... she told me my cave didn't look good on me. Actually, she told me to stop feeling sorry for myself ... she told me that my moping around and not talking to anyone wasn't my best me. Yep, my friend looked me right in the eye and said, "This isn't your best you, Terrie ... this isn't who everyone counts on you to be. Not your best you, friend ... not your best you at all." I wish I could say that I walked away from that conversation happy that my friend said what she did, but that wouldn't be the truth. The truth is that her words stung and I was flat out ticked off at her for ... I was ticked off because she ... because she was dead-on right and I needed to hear every single word she said. I didn't sleep well that night either ... I didn't sleep well that night because I knew in the depths of my heart that my friend was totally and completely right.

Something tells me maybe tonight I'll sleep better ... and maybe tomorrow when I wake up, it will be Thursday and I'll be the best Terrie I can be all day long.