When I was a kid, I had a thing about swallowing pills ... I simply could not do it. My family tried everything to get medicine that came in pill form down my throat, to the point of my sister holding me down on the bed and trying to force me to swallow. I'll spare you the details of that particular experience, but suffice it to say that it didn't go well. Eventually, when I got sick, Mom would ask the doctor to give me an injection or to prescribe any medication either in liquid or capsule form that could be opened and sprinkled on my food. I don't remember when or how, but suddenly one day, my aversion to pill swallowing changed and I could easily take pills. Funny, because now I take so many pills each day that I just throw a whole handful in at once and wash them down with a single drink.
Part of writing a blog and trying to be real and honest in that writing is that you open yourself up for lots and lots of commentary, both positive and negative alike. While most of the messages I receive are positive in nature (and I am always humbled by those, I might add), from time to time I receive a message that ... well ... that quite honestly simply hurts my heart. I pray about each blog I pen, and I try my best to follow God's leading in my writing. That is not to say in any way that my words are always the best ones or the right ones or the only ones. But this blog is a personal one, one that speaks of my own journey, my own struggles, my own thoughts. Having said that, however, I also apologize for anything I've written that may have offended or hurt any of you who read along with me.
A few days ago, I received an email from someone who has known me for many years, someone who has read this blog from the beginning. And allow me to say before I continue that I replied and asked the person's permission to talk about her message in this blog on an anonymous basis and to quote some of her words. I explained that the issue she brought up deserves to be addressed publicly and needs to be opened up to the thoughts and opinions of those of you who read. So, here goes ... please weigh in on either side ... I really do want to hear from you on this subject.
"You are a woman of faith," the email began, "and yet you write of suffering from depression. No true Christian would suffer from depression, not if their faith is strong enough. They may go through times of suffering or hurt or despair for a time, but if they believe deeply that God can heal them, they will have no need of medication ... your faith will make you whole. Taking the joy from believers is a ploy of Satan, and beating down a strong believer and making them ineffective through their feelings and emotions ... making that believer succumb to the idea of being depressed ... don't allow the evil one to have that stronghold in your heart. You don't have depression; you have a lack of faith."
I've prayed about my response ... I've prayed a ton about my response. And the following words I'm about to pen are more than just difficult for me. In the blog I wrote called "Closet Dwellers," I used the words "gut-wrenching" in relating my confession that I had been diagnosed with depression. That is actually an understatement ... admitting that I can't fix what's going on in my head and my heart, admitting that I need help, admitting that I'm not anywhere near as strong as I always thought I was ... those are among the hardest admissions I've ever made in my life. And trust me ... no one could have wrestled with the faith vs. medication issue any more than I have ... than I still am ... than perhaps I always will.
When my doctor (who is a strong Christian, by the way) first suggested that I should consider medication, I adamantly refused, saying that my faith should be strong enough to carry me through any storm. As the sad days turned into weeks, I finally agreed to take home some sample medications ... I took them home, and I sat them on my kitchen counter ... and that's where they stayed for several more weeks. On really bad days, I would stand at the counter and hold a pill in my hand ... a tiny, white, round pill. And I would war in my soul with the power that small pill had to wreak such havoc with my faith. "My faith is weak," I would say to the air ... "What's wrong with my faith?" I would ask aloud ... "I'm a failure," I would cry into my pillow. And finally, I took the pills. And I'm still taking the pills. And I'm still struggling and still wrestling with the right or wrong of it, with the connection to my faith, with the fact that the pills haven't "fixed" me yet, with the overwhelming sense of failure that engulfs me each and every day.
So, there it is, friends ... there's my response ... as openly and honestly as I can pen it ... there's my response. Some of you will continue to love me ... some of you will now judge me ... some of you will empathize with me ... some of you will write to me ... I hope that all of you will pray for me.
7 comments:
Faith healing...power of faith...medicine...all weighty topics.
I'm by no means a biblical scholar/expert/or even near as knowledgeable as I should be biblically but here are my thoughts.
Faith is belief in something. My faith in the one God is that He is GOD and He can do anything and chose to take my sin in order that I could go to Heaven with Him.
When we, mankind, sinned we lost unfathomable good things and gained miseries that are overwhelming. Our bodies are afflicted with sickness, sickness we would have never known in the perfect relationship with God.
On the flip side I also firmly believe that God grants us wisdom and knowledge. Knowledge of how to create things...yes things that can be used for good OR bad we are sinners afterall...but the knowledge to create.
God can most assuredly heal ~ anything, anytime, anyway ~ according to HIS will. By miraculous healing or by using someone to discover something to alleviate symptoms or even a cure.
Should we have faith in God's power and His will YES YES YES!! Does that mean we just sit back and let Him do all the work like an assistant, not at all. That is the beauty of a relationship with God ~ the intimate revelation to His child of His will for them.
First, and without reservation, I know that depression is a clinical illness just like any other such as cancer, heart disease, MS, etc. Because this particular illness affects the mind does not make it any less an illness. It's not something "curable" by the human will and it does occur in Christians and all other human beings.
Can God heal depression? Absolutely. Is it your lack of faith that depression continues to plague you? Absolutely not! Is it your lack of faith that you have diabetes? Absolutely not!
As Shasty said, illness and misery in our lives is a result of the original Adamic sin. While we are living on this earth, we will experience the ravages of that sin nature, regardless of the level of our faith or belief.
Certainly there are those who have overcome illnesses through faith in God's healing power; however, it's not a LACK OF FAITH that keeps someone ill. If that were the case, why do great pillars of faith that you've mentioned in your recent blogs experience serious illnesses and, yes, even depression? It cannot be because of their own personal level of faith. Could it be a ploy of Satan? Absolutely.
I'm not a theologian, but in my heart God has given me the power to love the sick and the well, to know that condemnation is never a healing response, and that we are called to "heal the sick" not to ignore or blame them for their own illnesses. Please, please have compassion for others.
Perhaps I believe so strongly about this because I have cared for a chronically ill husband for so many years. You could never convince me that his long-term suffering/pain is because he has lacked faith. I know of no one who has a stronger faith and more commitment to fight the devil. It is his faith that has kept him here on this earth long after the medical community gave up on him.
So, Terrie, take heart and know that your faith is what is keeping you going and that your love of God is what keeps your writing filled with His love. You amaze me with your strength even while you are fighting a raging battle.
God bless you and Godspeed! Know this very moment that you are loved by so very many people!!!
lots of wows here!
first, those words hurt my heart too. i think you've handled your response in an incredibly professional / respectful way, i might add.
second, LOVE what shasty said. HUGE WOW to you girlie! :)
third, wow cuz i'm practically speechless over this one!
everyone is certainly entitled to his / her own opinions. expression of said opinions is an entirely different matter...or should be. :)
i would wonder then if this person adheres to a faith that rejects all medicines?
this almost reminds me of the whole birth control issue. ;O lots of persons who believe in the same god and read the same bible have wildly different interpretations of how god speaks to them or how they read / interpret scripture when it comes to making a decision on birth control.
to my mind, all of it is rather silly. i think the key words here are INTERPERSONAL INTERPRETATION.
i'm not convinced one is right or the other is wrong. i definitely have my own interpretation and opinion, which is that medicine is a god-given gift to us, but i would consider it pointless to argue with someone else who believes otherwise.
it sort of all boils down to personal faith. personal. to each his own i believe is the appropriate phrase here?
i am sure this friend is concerned about you, but it is quite dangerous to my mind to, in efforts of good will i am sure, issue a statement that begins with the fateful words, no christian should...eek! is about all i can say to that one...
bottom line: i believe in interpersonal relationships. perhaps you can eat pork and s/he can't? interpretation, interpretation, interpretation. interpersonal relationship. interpersonal relalionhip. interpersonal relationship.
i for one can vouch to how very much you wrestled with this issue / decision. it hurts my heart that anyone would issue a statement that could make you doubt a decision that was made at such great personal cost.
this is my personal opinion: it is dangerous, harmful even, to issue any statement that is based on personal interpretation...and to my mind, that is most statements.
another wow! to whomever pat is...you are very wise my dear! :)
love what she said. we all should say it more. have compassion for others. :) love the well and the sick. just...love. :)
i truly believe that most persons have good intentions. most of us also feel the need to add something to the pot, to throw our two cents into any well or issue or conversation or crisis we happen to stumble upon.
those of us who have dealt with sickness or special needs are oftentimes the unwilling recipients of statements of good intentions. however, rather than encourage or lift our spirits, these bombshell statements usually resonate with us because of the immeasurable pain that those good intentioned words caused us.
good intentions can really hurt sometimes. :(
My question to the woman who wrote you the email, so you don't ever see a doctor? She didn't get her kids wellness shots, she doesn't take a flu shot, she doesn't use antibiotics when she has strep throat? The same logic applies, she should have faith that God will see her through those sicknesses. Why did she get sick in the first place? Did her faith falter for a minute? You are so much smarter than this Terrie. You were diagnosed by a doctor (a human created by GOD) with both diabetes and clinical depression and that same doctor prescribed you medicine to help you with both. It takes time, you didn't become depressed overnight and you won't become happy overnight. Sometimes it takes a while for our bodies to adjust and let the medicine work. When there is only one set of footprints in the sand, it is then that He carries us. It doesn't say how He carries us, maybe physically, maybe emotionally, maybe He sends doctors and medicine, maybe He sends close friends, not our place to understand why. It is our place just to be open to the help and allow Him to heal us in HIS way. Don't let judgmental people like that bring you down even more, hit delete and get rid of that email. We get tested in life all the time and it is how we react to those tests that shows our faith. I know your faith is strong and I know you will get through this test and somewhere down the road you will come out on the other side. You will be stronger, wiser, more committed to God than ever and you will be happy again! God promises us rainbows Terrie, lots of rainbows! Sending prayers and love your way!
I love what "anonymous" wrote!
I disagree with your friend that said that depression is a lack of faith! If someone has never had to deal with it they don't really understand. I'm sure your friend truly cares about you and was doing what she thought would help. However, telling you that you have a lack of faith does NOT help. Just like some people believe that physical illness is a lack of faith, some believe that depression is a lack of faith. I disagree with both. I DO agree that Satan can use our depression and he does. He wants us debilitated so that we feel like we can't serve God and that we're worthless. Satan loves us to feel that way. That's why, as people of faith, we need to do whatever we can to help us get out of the depression. That can include the meds!!!! They can help you get to a point where you can "fight" the depression easier, and where you can feel, and see, what the Lord is doing as He continues to lift you out of the pit. Hang in there, dear friend, and dear woman of STRONG faith! It takes a while for the meds to work sometimes. Keep holding onto the Lord and know He WILL see you through and He may use the meds to help do it. :)
Love, Sharolyn
Lots of encouraging words ^here.^ First of all ME TOO! I had to finally acknowledge the FACT that there is a chemical imbalance in my physiological make-up. My faith is firm, I’m active in Bible study, look at the fruit in my life. And I’m on medication. Medication for depression. In fact, I stopped taking it because of a lapse in my health insurance coverage but my dear sweet loving husband told me to refill it at any cost. Press on, sweet sister! Don’t beat yourself up about it and don’t take it from anyone else. I love you.
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