Back to the Manger

I know I've said it many times, but little kids really are the best things God ever created ... they so totally are. The things they say, the way they walk, their bubbly giggles, their sensitive little tears, the pure innocence in the way they love unconditionally ... little kids are just the best. And little kids on stage in front of a bunch of people are classic, simply classic. I will never forget a kids' church program when we lived in Florida ... a program where my Matt stole the show. Not in a good way, mind you, he did everything mischievous you can possibly imagine, including tying the shoelaces together of the little boy standing next to him. When I think back on how mortified I was that it was my child who was acting like a little monkey on stage ... no really, he even did his best monkey imitation during the program ... when I think back on that night, I have to smile ... because soon Matt will have his own little monkey who will embarrass him one day when she's on stage.

Last night when I got home from Brad's college graduation, I gulped down my dinner, fed the dogs and headed to church to watch the little kids' musical, Back to the Manger. Someone from church had invited me to go, and some of the kids asked me Wednesday night at Awana if I was coming to watch them. The storyline was about a group of carolers participating in a church outreach event that involved delivering baskets to those in need. A side group of kiddos gets into a time machine that transports them to the church event down through the years, including sending them back to the night Jesus was born. It was cute to see the kiddos imitating dances and music from the past, made even better by quick changes into crazy hair and funky sunglasses. And it was touching to watch them act out the nativity scene. All of them did a great job, but I was especially captivated by the motions they had learned to accompany all the songs they sang ... lots of songs and lots of different motions. And the kids were amazing ... they remembered the steps and the motions, and the words to the songs.

As I sat in the back of the church watching the kids, I couldn't help but think about the work that must have been involved in teaching all those kids all that stuff for the program. I thought about how the gals in charge must have great patience and a true love for kids to put forth the effort to lead the musical. I wondered how repetitive their practices must have been in order for the kids to learn all the words, all the steps, and all the motions. All the motions, I thought as I sat watching the children perform ... all the motions. As I walked alone in the dark to my car to go home, I was struck with a pretty overwhelming thought. I'm going through the motions of life ... I'm just going through the motions. Sliding my key into the ignition, I acknowledged that God probably had a reason for me being at the kids' program. But I also acknowledged aloud to Him that I was tired ... physically tired from a long day, but so much more mentally and emotionally tired than I ever remember being. I'm just going through the motions, Lord, trying to make it from one day to the next.

Driving into work this morning, the thought continued to pound in my head, and my mind swirled around the realization of how much the thought is true. I really do go through the motions of living each day ... the only time I swerve from the road of doing just what I have to do in life now is if someone else tells me to. If someone asks me to help with something, I generally will ... but I can't find the place in me that used to just jump in and lend a hand. If someone invites me to attend an event, I will generally go ... but I can't find the me that used to look forward to going and being a part of things. It's as if I no longer possess the power or the will or the drive to do anything outside of going through the motions. As I drove home tonight, though, I had another thought. Maybe going through the motions isn't all bad ... maybe in a lot of ways, going through the motions is what's keeping me going at all.

Back to the manger ... little kids ... going through the motions ... lots to think about tonight, Lord, lots to think about.