My Final Post

Remember when I wrote the following words? "It's interesting to me and sad at the same time that my posts with titles that people assume are going to be about something controversial or something revealing are the ones that garner thousands of hits." I also said that I'm not sure what that says about people ... the page views for this blog quadruple when folks think there are deep, dark secrets about to be told or sensitive subjects are about to be discussed. And that really does make me sad. But it also doesn't make it any less true ... people flock to read my posts when the titles are edgy. Which brings me to the title for tonight's post ... unless I die in my sleep, this probably isn't my final blog post. In fact, for those of you who are of the betting persuasion, I'll give you an inside tip and tell you that you'd be safe to bet I'm going to continue to post (at least for a while anyway). I chose tonight's title for a purely selfish reason ... I want a lot of people to read this post. I want a lot of people to read this post because what I'm writing about is very important. And very, very serious.

In late February, I posted a blog that included the link to the video my son Brad, some folks from my office and I produced ... a video called Ears Wide Open? that Brad posted to YouTube earlier that day. And a couple of days later, I wrote a post in which I shared several messages we had received following the release of the video. I began those stories with this one from a 13-year-old girl ... "I'm 13 years old and all I want to do is die because I'm not normal like my friends. My uncle sent me this video. Maybe it will get better for me too." The truth is that I omitted part of that little girl's message because it was too raw, too rough, too real to print ... "I have a gun and I have bullets and all I want to do is die." I replied to that little girl immediately, and I sent her contact information for a teen suicide hotline. I felt that it would be inappropriate for me to communicate on a regular basis with the girl without her parents' knowledge, but I did ask her to email me now and again and let me know how she was doing. I never knew her name ... until today.

I don't read all of the messages that come in on the Ears Wide Open? email account, because I received so much hate mail following "the" blog post on January 1st. Those types of messages took a big toll on me, so we put a plan in place to try to shield me from at least a portion of the negative letters when we released the video. I do, however, read all of the emails that pass my screening team ... messages like the one a couple of days ago from a pastor asking if he could show the video in his church on Sunday ... or the one a couple of weeks ago from a mother whose two children committed suicide a few months ago ... or the one last week from a man in his 50s who was recently diagnosed with Lou Gehrig's disease ... or the one today from the mother of the 13-year-old girl ... yes, the 13-year-old girl with the gun and the bullets who wanted to die.

When I saw the subject line of the email, my heart immediately began to pound with fear ... "From the 13-year-old girl's mother," and my mind was filled with one thought ... "Oh, please God, please, please let that kid be alive." And as I began to read the grateful mother's words, tears poured from my eyes and quickly soaked the front of my shirt. 

"Dear Terrie ... My name is Wanda, and my daughter is the 13-year-old girl who watched your video and wrote to you about having a gun and wanting to die. First I want to thank you for sharing your story because it saved my only daughter's life. I knew she was being bullied at school but I had no idea how bad things really were for her. Someone sent your video to my brother and he sent it to my daughter. The day after she watched it, she told me that she had written to you and that your video made her think that if she just waited, things would get better for her as well. I'm not sure why, but you and your story connected with Elizabeth and caused her to tell her father and I the truth about how she felt.

"I thought about writing you several times over the last few weeks, but I wasn't sure if I should. But today something happened that made me know it was the right thing to do and the right time. Elizabeth showed me her journal on the computer that she had started writing when she had decided she was going to commit suicide. I have cried more today than I have in my life, especially when she showed me the entry she was planning to write on the day she had scheduled to kill herself. The title was, 'My Final Post.' I know some people are probably not being very kind to you because you said in the video that you are gay. I guess I want to close by begging you not to listen to them, Terrie. Please don't listen to them and instead listen to my sweet Elizabeth and all the other children and adults who are depressed that you are helping. Thank you is so little to say but I hope you know that I say it from the most thankful and grateful mom's heart. Thank you, Terrie, thank you."

I replied to Wanda, and I want to share one thing I said to her. I told her that the day after I got her daughter's first message I wrote something on a note card and taped it to the mirror in my bedroom. I taped the card to my mirror so that I would read the words every morning when I wake up and every night before I go to sleep. I taped that card to my mirror because I never want to forget her ... the little 13-year-old girl ... Elizabeth ... I want to forever remember Elizabeth. For all of you who have asked me why I wrote the January post and why we made the video ... she is why, friends ... Elizabeth is why. 

I'm not writing my final post just yet ... and neither is she.