Terrie Goes to Church

Last night, I had a vivid dream about the church I used to attend ... no, it's more accurate to say that I had a vivid dream about some of the people in the church I used to attend. The setting for my dream was inside the church, yes, but my dream was about the people rather than the building itself. It was one of those dreams that was so real and so vivid that it's obviously still on my mind this evening. There was nothing spectacular about the dream, no real plot or storyline, just the people ... people I worshipped with, people I talked with, people I prayed with ... people I cared about ... people I loved. Their faces drifted in and out of the frame of my dream, but there was one constant about all of them ... they were all smiling. There was laughter ... there was hugging ... there was harmony ... there was love. And my first thought when I woke this morning was how very much I miss church ... not the building, mind you ... I miss the people and the relationships I once had with them.

On Friday, I had a lengthy conversation with a minister from another church ... a minister who had never met me, by the way. In fact, he doesn't really know me at all apart from what he's read or been told about me. Our conversation was a difficult one because of the subject matter, and I knew that it would be when I agreed to speak with him. He surprised me with his kindness, however, and his desire to understand my feelings was like a breath of fresh air in light of recent events in my life. He was almost apologetic as he told me that he had to cancel me as the speaker for an upcoming women's event at his church, and I was sincere when I told him that I understood his position and that I would never want to cause any issues for him or for the women who are scheduled to attend the event. I wish I could tell you that all the groups who have cancelled my speaking appearances have been as kind and compassionate as the minister on Friday, but I simply cannot. I can tell you, though, that it makes me abundantly sad that so many folks seem to forget that Jesus taught more about love than He did about hate ... abundantly sad.

This morning, I went to church. Yes, you read that correctly, I actually went to church this morning. I was invited to attend by the minister of a church who had chosen to show our video as part of his sermon. I was a bit nervous as I got out of my car and began to walk toward the building ... OK, I was a whole lot nervous. But before I even got inside, two people had spoken to me and pointed me toward the correct entrance that would lead me to the sanctuary. Once I was inside, several more people welcomed me, and the minister was quick to warmly greet me and speak with me for a few minutes. And here's the thing ... the minister knew why I was there this morning, but to all the other folks, I was just someone who was visiting their church. They didn't have to welcome me ... they didn't have to be kind to me ... they didn't have to accept me. But they did. Warmly. Unconditionally. Wholeheartedly. 

I don't think I can really find words to describe the emotions that raced through my heart as our video played on the large screen at the front of the church, so I'm not even going to try. Suffice it to say that when the video ended and the pastor told his congregation that I was there ... well ... I've never experienced anything quite like what happened this morning, and I was humbled beyond measure at the people's response. When the service ended, person after person came to hug me ... if you'll recall, I wrote in a recent post how much I miss hugs ... and this morning ... this morning, I was hugged time and time again. And I find it more than a bit ironic that when my only remaining women's ministry speaking appearance was cancelled on Friday, a woman talked with me this morning about speaking to a group of healthcare professionals this summer. That's more than a bit ironic, friends ... way, way more.

If you've been reading along with me for a while, you know how deeply I have wrestled with finding meaning in my journey and how hard I've struggled to believe there is still a purpose for my life. I think I may have seen a glimmer of the answers to those questions this morning ... I think I may have indeed.