When I was in my early teens, I was completely convinced that my calling in life was to be a ventriloquist. Seriously ... there was a time when I thought talking for a wooden dummy sitting on my knee was what I was born to do (no offense to those of you who are ventriloquists ... I truly think ventriloquism is an art). I was so determined that I was destined to wow millions with my as of then still undiscovered talking talent, I convinced Daddy to buy me a beginner dummy so that I could hone my craft. And my plan to become the most famous ventriloquist ever was actually going pretty well until I watched a really creepy movie about a famous ventriloquist who went insane and believed his dummy was directing him to kill a bunch of people. After several nights of waking up and seeing my dummy (Clyde was his name) staring at me in the darkness, I decided that being a ventriloquist wasn't really my life's calling after all. Now that I think about it ... I don't remember getting rid of Clyde ... oh, great ... now I'll have bad dreams tonight for sure.
Most of you know that I used to do a lot of speaking for women's groups, and not with a wooden dummy perched on my knee by the way. I suppose, however, that some would argue that there was indeed a wooden dummy on the stage doing the speaking all those years ... but that's one of those deep life subjects best addressed by my life-saving head doctor. I was well aware that my speaking career would most probably end when I made the incredibly difficult decision to tell the truth about myself in this blog at the beginning of the year. And I was quite correct in that assumption ... it wasn't long until all of the engagements I had booked for the next two years cancelled. I can't even begin to tell you how painful that part of telling the truth has been for me ... disappointing so many who knew me as a Christian speaker. No one will ever know how truly deep my sorrow is about that, friends ... believe me, no one will ever know.
While I was wrong about my calling in life as a ventriloquist, it seems as though God still has some plans for me in the speaking arena. On June 26, one week from this Wednesday, I'm going to stand up and speak to a group of counselors and head doctors ... tell me that doesn't scream irony and prove that God has a sense of humor, eh? To say that I'm a bit nervous is a humongous understatement, but knowing that sharing my story with the doctors will possibly help so many other people ... well ... suffice it to say that is worth far more than a serious case of nerves for me. I've written previously about how much more meaning words have for me now ... words I hear, words I read, words I speak ... I understand more than ever in my life just how much power words truly have.
As hard as it is to admit, I've spoken my fair share of empty words in my life ... words devoid of meaning or truth or sincerity ... words to hide behind ... words of pretense and denial. That's an interesting thing about getting real, about being nitty-gritty honest about who I am ... I don't want my words to be empty ever again ... never ever again. When I say words that are hard for me to say ... I don't want those words to ever be empty. When I speak words of love to my children, my family and my friends ... I don't want those words to ever be empty. When I pray and tell God I love Him ... I believe Him ... I trust Him ... I don't want those words to ever be empty.
No more empty words, friends ... no more empty words.
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