Flaming Courage

So on Friday morning, I'm supposed to get on an airplane and fly to Canada. And those of you who've been reading along with me know that I haven't flown in 23 years, and I'm quite terrified. So this morning, I went to see my doctor who wrote me a prescription for medication that is supposed to "relax" me so that I can get on the airplane. I'm pretty sure that the words relax and airplane should never be used together in the same sentence. People keep asking me what I'm so afraid of when it comes to flying, so let me just share with you a small portion of my completely rational and legitimate fears about getting on an airplane and going way high up into the sky.

I'm afraid my ears or my kidneys or my colon or my heart will explode. I'm afraid I will throw up all over my son Brad who is traveling with me. I'm afraid someone will open the door and I'll get sucked out. I'm afraid I will have to pee while I'm on the plane and I'll get locked in the bathroom and not be able to get out. I'm afraid I'll breathe in like a million germs from all the sick people who will be on the plane. I'm afraid I will say or do something completely embarrassing like get too hot and try to take my clothes off. I'm afraid I will cry my guts out, providing those same guts haven't already exploded. I'm afraid they will take my medicine away from me ... okay, that one is completely weird because I have fought and begged not to have to take the meds anymore, and now I'm in a total state of panic that someone might try to take them from me ... go figure. But should I live through the experience of flying ... and you know that if God had intended for me to fly He would have given me wings, by the way ... but if I live through it, there is someone super extra special who will be waiting to see me. And I'll tell you I'm tearing up big time as I type those words because I've got a ton of memories of my children watching and waiting for my mom to walk off of a plane when she would come to visit them.

Needless to say, I've been thinking a lot about fear over the last couple of months, but for way more reasons than getting on an airplane. I seriously thought I would have a heart attack when I posted my New Year's Day blog, but down deep in my heart, I knew it was something I had to do if I ever wanted to be well. And the day we posted our video? Get out of town, people, I was in full-blown anxiety mode. Here's the thing, though ... the blog post was for me, to help me get well. The video, however ... the video is for all the other people who need something to help them want to get well, too. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline posted it on their Facebook page and Twitter feed yesterday, and people are calling the Lifeline after they watch it. You know, people have said to me over the last few months that I'm brave and that I have great courage to tell my story to others and face the judgment that many have leveled toward me. But I'm not the brave one, friends, and what small amount of courage I may possess pales in comparison to the ones who are making those calls to the Lifeline to ask for help. Those folks ... those folks are the ones with pure flaming courage, courage that burns scorchingly hot in the midst of a dark, dark night when the icy cold wind tries with all of its power to destroy it. Picking up the phone and calling the Lifeline ... reaching out to a family member or friend to say, "I need help" ... opening up about your deepest, darkest struggle ... that's bravery ... that's courage ... that's raw, real, honest flaming courage at its mightiest level.

So to those of you who have called ... to those of you who have written ... I am humbled by your courage, dear ones, and inspired by your bravery. My prayer tonight is that God will grant an extra measure of comfort to you and that He will carry you and keep you safe within His arms. Keep trying. Keep fighting. Keep breathing. Keep living. The world needs you, and so do I.